I have talked about dogs, lets get to know me

          So I am going to put myself out there.I have been at my job for over 20 years been in this kind of job for over 30 years. I manage Subsidize housing I do both Multi-family property and then a elderly property. It has it's challenges, pressure and heart warming moments. In my younger days i have held all kinds of jobs, I have been a Grocery checker , waitress, Cocktail waitress, sold shoes,sold western wear, sold jewelry, worked in a bank been an appointment secretary, and work as a collection person for portable toilets,Sold newspaper ads, put up hardware display ads and work as a dog groomer. Hard work has never bothered me. Learning never came hard, If I enjoyed what I did I went far I explorined my options and learned to adapt to almost anything.

        I was born the second child of 5 in Brentwood New York. My father worked for Air Canada and when I was 8 transferred to North Miami Beach Fl. Where I graduated high school in 1977. Left home in 1978 thought I was in love and moved to Illinois, married my first husband  in 1980, left him in 1981 after less then 6 months and files for divorce. One can only be physically and mentally abused for so long. The turning point was the night he tried to strangle me. When I got away I never looked backed. I also made my self several promises 1. No one will ever lay a hand on me. 2. I will always stand up for myself. 3. No one will tear down my self esteem and make me feel worthless and helpless.

        It wasn't long after I left that nightmare that I met my now husband. If one was to be a soulmate then Jeff would be that. We didn't have much in common but you know what it worked and worked well. During this time he was then laid off from his employer and started to seek employment all over. He sent a resume to Oklahoma and I was on to my next adventure. We were there a year 1983  when we married and for once in along time I felt safe and secure.  We had many adventures him and I but we didn't share a lot of the same hobbies. I went to all kinds of things he enjoyed and liked them but I needed something for me. That was when in 1984 we got Sheba our first chow. Well I won't bore you with all that as I have already written it.

       Then in 1986 when things were getting slow in Oklahoma again laid off from his job we seek employment else where.Which brought us and me back to Florida. It wasn't hard to secure a job for me as I had gained apartment experience in Oklahoma and we seemed to be set. Jeff had his racing and I had my dogs and life was great. 1987 was exciting as we were expecting our first child. When my children were young people would always ask if my four children had the same father. I know it was hard for them to believe but one was born in 1987,1990,1997 and 1999. I always joked we did it for the Grandmas 2 born in Florida and 2 born in Illinois.

       In 1994 my husband was offered a job back here at the original place he was laid off here in Illinois so we have now come full circle and moved back here. So that was that.

      I have several hobbies, besides the dogs, I love to take pictures and would do it at the sporting events, dance events or any event my children were involved in. I love to cook and bake and this carries over to the motor-home where breakfast, lunch and dinner is always cooked.i bake in the oven too. This is a huge distress for me at dog shows. I collect a few things, Rudolph the Red nose reindeer items at Christmas one room is dedicated to this lovable misfit. Angels angels angels in my living room. In the living room all year round you will find miniature lighted Christmas trees.

       Now the motor-home as my daughter will tell anyone I am ready for the Apocalypse you name it I have it.and every thing has it's place we won't starve and I am prepared for anything humane and dog wise. But I will tell you I have always been that way. Dance, pageants softball if someone needed something they would find me because most likely I had it.

       Now me I have a very bold, very guarded demeanor about me.lots of times people don't know how to take me, I can be standoffish look like I am angry or very welcoming. I listen to what people say and I do not ever pass judgement.I also don't forget, I don't hold grudges but stay away from people who I feel have used me for what ever reason they may have.I stand up for myself and I do speak my mind. I don't like people who lie and support or try to the downtrodden.  I am also not one to approach someone and start a conversation. I have broad shoulder and tend to be a good listener and don't judge a person and don't carry stories. I also care what people think and I believe that is my biggest downfall. I also try very hard to support every dog auction silent, raffle this I am a sucker for,.I also am not ignorant and sometimes people are not how they seem or what you may have been told.

Now the motor-home is decked out in Chow items, It is what some would say over board but I like it. from the rosettes hanging from the lights, to the Led lighted chow, To the many chow pictures won at auctions. To the photos of all my chows hanging from the lights in the other window.

 These pictures are old and there have been changes and decorated more.So if you see this motor home by all means stop by for a cold drink Alcoholic or none, Have dessert  and good conversation. We could sit by the fire and have smores.


Well that is it. Remember never judge a book by it's cover you may be missing out.

Chapter 12 I have read some where if you dream it you can achieve it

   So if you have gotten this far you have read through all 11 installments and I know what you are thinking. Why do I know what your thinking because through the years I have thought the same things over and over. Why would someone put themselves through all the heartache and misery for dog shows. This person really has bad luck and you know your right. But sometimes there is a silver lining in your everyday life. I always had a saying there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, one day my ship will come in and I will be at the airport,

In April memories were not the only things I brought home from Nationals. Let me introduce you to
Elites Storming the house at Jepa's other wise known as Hondo

These two photo's are Hondo winnibf back to back Majors at the Wisconsin Specialty 

My Chow family 

So in the end even with the bumps in the road. and all the heartache I am still in the mist of following my dreams.

Romeo is a major and point shy of finishing 

Hondo has 8 points and both Majors

I also have a wonderful new mentor 

Everyday I remember more then I forgot and no longer will I feel inferior to people who don't want to understand or cut a person a break and offer to help.

Chapter 11 Still following that dream

          So I am going to put myself out there.I have been at my job for over 20 years been in this kind of job for over 30 years. I manage Subsidize housing I do both Multi-family property and then a elderly property. It has it's challenges, pressure and heart warming moments. In my younger days i have held all kinds of jobs, I have been a Grocery checker , waitress, Cocktail waitress, sold shoes,sold western wear, sold jewelry, worked in a bank been an appointment secretary, and work as a collection person for portable toilets,Sold newspaper ads, put up hardware display ads and work as a dog groomer. Hard work has never bothered me. Learning never came hard, If I enjoyed what I did I went far I explorined my options and learned to adapt to almost anything.

        I was born the second child of 5 in Brentwood New York. My father worked for Air Canada and when I was 8 transferred to North Miami Beach Fl. Where I graduated high school in 1977. Left home in 1978 thought I was in love and moved to Illinois, married my first husband  in 1980, left him in 1981 after less then 6 months and files for divorce. One can only be physically and mentally abused for so long. The turning point was the night he tried to strangle me. When I got away I never looked backed. I also made my self several promises 1. No one will ever lay a hand on me. 2. I will always stand up for myself. 3. No one will tear down my self esteem and make me feel worthless and helpless.

        It wasn't long after I left that nightmare that I met my now husband. If one was to be a soulmate then Jeff would be that. We didn't have much in common but you know what it worked and worked well. During this time he was then laid off from his employer and started to seek employment all over. He sent a resume to Oklahoma and I was on to my next adventure. We were there a year 1983  when we married and for once in along time I felt safe and secure.  We had many adventures him and I but we didn't share a lot of the same hobbies. I went to all kinds of things he enjoyed and liked them but I needed something for me. That was when in 1984 we got Sheba our first chow. Well I won't bore you with all that as I have already written it.

       Then in 1986 when things were getting slow in Oklahoma again laid off from his job we seek employment else where.Which brought us and me back to Florida. It wasn't hard to secure a job for me as I had gained apartment experience in Oklahoma and we seemed to be set. Jeff had his racing and I had my dogs and life was great. 1987 was exciting as we were expecting our first child. When my children were young people would always ask if my four children had the same father. I know it was hard for them to believe but one was born in 1987,1990,1997 and 1999. I always joked we did it for the Grandmas 2 born in Florida and 2 born in Illinois.

       In 1994 my husband was offered a job back here at the original place he was laid off here in Illinois so we have now come full circle and moved back here. So that was that.

      I have several hobbies, besides the dogs, I love to take pictures and would do it at the sporting events, dance events or any event my children were involved in. I love to cook and bake and this carries over to the motor-home where breakfast, lunch and dinner is always cooked.i bake in the oven too. This is a huge distress for me at dog shows. I collect a few things, Rudolph the Red nose reindeer items at Christmas one room is dedicated to this lovable misfit. Angels angels angels in my living room. In the living room all year round you will find miniature lighted Christmas trees.

       Now the motor-home as my daughter will tell anyone I am ready for the Apocalypse you name it I have it.and every thing has it's place we won't starve and I am prepared for anything humane and dog wise. But I will tell you I have always been that way. Dance, pageants softball if someone needed something they would find me because most likely I had it.

       Now me I have a very bold, very guarded demeanor about me.lots of times people don't know how to take me, I can be standoffish look like I am angry or very welcoming. I listen to what people say and I do not ever pass judgement.I also don't forget, I don't hold grudges but stay away from people who I feel have used me for what ever reason they may have.I stand up for myself and if

Chapter 10 Showing dogs just isn't in the cards

       Where we left off I had just showed Tillie in her first 4-6 puppy class. I was thrilled at how well she did and made plans to show her in her first confirmation show as soon as she turned 6 months old. Now we had a month between where my son was graduating High School so she was on a little break from class as there was so much going on.  But we were ready the motor-home was loaded and off we went my Husband and I went. Now the first several months Tillie was the only Chow in the classes but I figured its not too bad it gives us experience.  It just didn't give us the experience I had expected. Some where in those thirty-days Tillie had a change one I was not prepared for. My perfect puppy no longer would stand, loud noises made her jump out of her skin, people looking at her had her cowering. So it started just look at this babies body language you can see she is distressed. Now I showed her for over a year, with meds prescribed from a doctor, over the counter calming medicine. I talked to exhibitors, judges, handlers,other chow people. I tried                                    

everything, I would take her to the grooming area and we would try to play touch my dog. I took her to have her back adjusted, I took her to a behaviorist. Nothing that I could think of caused this and nothing I have done has helped. I spoke with her breeder and was told "you had to do something to her", she isn't a golden retriever, I don't breed bad temperaments. This breeder was at a show where we were and knew what was going on and not once did she approach me to discuss my poor Tillie. Now don't get me wrong I love this bitch and do not plan on removing her from my home. But damn it I paid for a showdog and I should be able to show her. I didn't pay pet price and the breeder takes no responsibility for Tillie. I am tired of what I work so hard for and my dreams shattering because of breeders who can not breed a sound dog. Breeders who refuse to health test any part of the required testing to ensure that the simple of things are bred out of our breed. .Breeders who know they have several dogs out there from their breeding who have this issue but choose to ignore it or place blame anywhere but where it belongs with them. Who advertise puppies for sale and state they have had their health clearances fancy word for vet visit when all you have to do is look at pedigrees and see no OFA numbers at all. As I type this it appears Tillie may now have a new issue and this one if it is what it points to will be a genetic issue. In the morning I will be calling the vets office to have her thyroid tested and sent way to be tested to get a correct reading on her panels. But again I am the one with the shattered dreams 

Chapter 9 Miss Tillie

   Miss Tillie as sweet a puppy as sweet can be, Although born in January and I brought her home the end of March she was almost 3.5 months old. So we had to start right away with getting her ready for the show ring. Goal was in April at the end to show her in her first 4-6 puppy class. Because it had been years with training a dog I chose to start out with 2 days a week with two different conformation classes. I would then decide which one I liked better. Tillie went every where possible with us she could as I knew socializing was the key to help round out a good puppy. One of her trips to Lowes.

We wanted to do things right by her and be as comfortable as we could at dog shows and to be honest I despise grooming areas and so many people we went out and got a motor home. It is nothing fancy and quite old but you know what it is ours and I have made it our chow home on wheels. I can cook, relax and not stress  the dog out. But people look down on it and it is quite fine as I don't owe a dime on it and it is mechanically sound. Showing dogs doesn't mean we have to go in debt to keep up with the Jones. I can also promise you that if you forgot it or need it I most likely have it. We also may not have a trolley or a covered ex-pen or other things people have or think they need to have to fit in. I don't need to fit in I just want to show dogs. So back to Tillie, her first time in the show ring is coming up and my first time in almost 18 years is coming. I think I am ready! 

Tillie did an amazing job and then went on to win a group one in the B match they were holding that night. I was back and my dream was taking place and you know what it felt so good. So all those years ago were distant and I had thought just wait I don't think history will repeat it's self and I was happy. But was it real or was it a cruel joke 

Chapter 8 a thought maybe dreams could come true

           As my children all begin to leave the nest. My life is changing again I have to figure our how to find me. For years it has been all about my children and their wants and needs. This is hard as my last child graduates high school there is no more football, I had already lost dance and travel Softball. What does this mother do with extra time on her hands. My life and world had changed as the last child was about to graduate.

            So I had a thought could this now be the time, the time for me to follow those shattered dreams? Could it be my time, the dog world had changed I had lost contact with any one I had known in the Chow world I wanted to go forward not backwards. So in this day and age we have the internet and I joined every Chow group I could find. I tried to chat with breeders from all over. But you know somethings don't ever change and very few gave me the time of day. I re bought books, relearned things I forgot I had a thirst for knowledge I read everything.

         The hunt was on to find that perfect show male that would take me back in the ring. But that dog ad eluded me. I did have contact with a breeder and we chatted for a while and she had a Bitch puppy for sale. Now I guess I should have noticed the red flags but then again this dog world had changed, I asked for videos and pictures several times before they were sent. But as a puppy she appeared confirmation wise to be sound, So I sent a deposit, I was to pick her up in Chicago at the Chow Chow National in March. Now the biggest red flag was if this puppy wan't what I was looking for would she have my deposit there to refund me back. I was not to thrilled in really buying a puppy site unseen. I would let you decide what the answer was.

      Off we went to Chicago March of 2017 to see this little baby that would come into our lives.
       and enter into our lives Charmar-Jepa Times up game over ( Tillie)
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Part 7 Shattered Dreams it doesn't end

       So with Lilly, Kemo and Echo being only household pets there was no Chows for show and in that time enter child number 4 Jacob, Also in this time I lost my most valuable mentors. My mom and Dad and also my brother. I spent the next 18 years raising my children. With out replacing a Chow  As my dogs left this earth and crossed over they were not replaced with any more Chows. We had a golden, a chihuahua, two Bichons a few guinea pigs, hamsters a few birds a couple of mixed breed dogs but never a Chow. But I had four wonderful children who kept me busy with Football, Baseball, Soccer band, track, FFA  travel Softball and competitive dance. We also were sucked into the world of Child Beauty pageants for awhile.  Although I did learn pageant people are ten times worse then dog people 

My children were my dream now, I had to make sure I taught them well enough to live their dreams and not to give up. They all needed to go to collage and be better then I was. I didn't want my children to never feel like there was nothing to their life and they couldn't do anything they set their minds to. I never regretted giving up any of my dreams so they could be successful in anything they wanted to do, 

 it was the best decision I could have ever made.

My Children will be my legacy 

Amanda who is a Assistant States Attorney for the State of Indiana 

Anthony who is stationed overseas in the United States Air Force after he completed 4 years of collage 

Hannah despite having several  medical conditions which includes seizures is a JR studying early elementary education  

Jacob who is a Sophomore studying agriculture education 

So my choice to turn all my efforts into my children may not have been part of my dream but it has the best outcome in the world to shattering my dreams    

Part 6 Life with out Chows in it

     After the loss of Rosie I took a vow no more Chows no more dogs. But any dog owner will tell you that it is a lonely feeling when you walk through the door and there are no butt wiggles, no barks of happy to fill the air. Even with people husband, and children life is lonely and I missed all that, 

     After a year and a half  I made the call I called Marilyn to inquire if she had any puppies. Marilyn was getting up in years and had stopped breeding a few years before. She said she would make some calls as she knew where there were  dogs out there that had her line in the back. In the mean time enter my third child Hannah. when Hannah was about 3 months old she also entered my life PAO CHAI'S STANDING  PRETTY  since she was born on Easter Sunday she would be forever known as Lilly. Was the arrival of this pretty red girl the reboot of my dream. Now I can not tell you how hard it is to show a dog with a baby. People are also not very nice to you when you have a non walking child. I was lucky as my older daughter loved being around the shows. So she would try to take care of her sister but nasty comments would make this hard. Even though it was hard I did manage to put 5 points on her, So I was back in the ring and trying to juggle it all. 


       But as shattered dream have a way to follow me Lilly had entropian and even with surgery she never made it back in the ring. So as history repeats its self entered Kemo a dog who would grow to be a big beautiful blue boy. He would never see a show ring as he had two pink spots on his tongue,

This could not  be happening again was I never to show again never to be in the ring and never to be able to follow my Dreams.

So I tried another breeder and enter Echo who was a pretty chow and I had hope. Now in all the chows I had owned the temperaments have always been awesome including my back yard bred female Sheba. This is until Echo who was food aggressive, dog aggressive and people aggressive. Echo holds the honor of being the only dog other then the Shepard to bite me and draw  blood. So again we have shattered dreams and not sure I ever want to Show again 

Part 5 Rosie girl


         So after Boss, Gunner, Kissy there remains Rosie my dwarf of a chow. She was such a sweet girl and loved us all I could not ask for a better temperament of a dog. She wasn't show quality she wasn't breeder-able she was a house pet. You know I don't think she ever really came in to season in all the years she was alive.

       Lets move on and move on we did we went from Florida to Illinois again for my husbands job. My kids were now three and 7 and it was a long haul driving. But Rosie loved it she sat up front in the u-haul with my husband and Amanda, as I drove the car with my son and our cat. So the only problem was we had not secured housing so we had no choice but to stay with our in-laws. Although we were welcome in their home the animals were a different story. My sweet little Rosie was relegated to be out side under the huge covered back porch. So our first order of business was to find a home for us.

          So by the end of 1994 we found a house a huge one well huge to us and bonus it was ours no more rentals. It had a huge back yard only down fall was it did not have a fence. We moved in in October 1994 and my sweet Rosie then again was our inside dog. Now of all the houses we have rented only the first one in Oklahoma was fenced. Rosie was taught to respect the boundaries of the yard but with this she was never alone when she went out. But in late November a late night tragedy would strike and would this be the end?

        Now we live in the country and the only downfall is our house is also on a well traveled busy county road. Where the speed limited is never adhered to.  My husband let Rosie out the back door and stood there as he always does but as they say it only takes a second. The washer that is by the door was leaking and for a second he turned to look. It was in that second I heard the screeching brakes and the thud. We ran from the house but there was no car and no Rosie no blood and she didn't come as called. What we concluded was at that second a rabbit crossed her path and she took chase. Now you have to understand in my neighborhood there are a total of ten houses. We spent hours calling her and looking. I looked and looked  and then a strange thing happened. As a dog person not many dogs scare me but as a child I was bit by a Shepard that had come out of no where, so from that day I have avoid that breed.

       As I searched for her and called and walked the highway a dog came out of nowhere. A black shepherd and living in such a small town I had never seen this dog before. It barked and barked and since it I was so afraid of these dogs I crossed the highway to get away. As the night wore on and it was getting colder I had no choice but to stop for the night. In the morning I picked up searching, went to work and called all the local animal shelters, and vet offices.,  I couldn't work not knowing where my Rosie was, I left and came home and then continued to search. I then came across where that Shepard had been the night before. He had been standing and barking in front of an abandoned building so being careful that he might still be there I ventured around the back, There next to railroad tracks was my Rosie as I approached her and called her her tail began to wag. She was alive how she was alive I didn't know I ran to her and scooped her up and ran home screaming for my husband to open the door. I can not tell you I was relived I had found her and she was alive but that was going to short lived. My husband took her from me told me to get a blanket and when I did we laid  her down it was only then I noticed what my husband tried to tell me half her jaw was missing. We loaded her up and took her to the vet. All the while replaying this whole thing in my mind.

      Well as you can guess there was no good news from the vet he was astonished she had survived the night.He stated it she should have been dead and for her to survive was nothing short of a miracle, and as I left the office I vowed to never ever own another Chow my heart had been permanently broken. Two many  had stole my heart and then left. When I got home I walked that highway cursing the car and the people for not stopping. Why would people do that, Then her being little maybe they thought they hit a coyote. I also searched for the black shepherd I had never seen before.I had thought I knew all the dogs in the town. He was no where to be found so I pondered  where did he come from and where did he go. Then the next question how did she survive the below zero weather. Questions I couldn't answer so I came to my own conclusion. That black dog was her guardian angel who was trying to tell me she was there. I believe he protected her through the night and she knew I would find her our bond was strong. She didn't want me to find her dead so she kept her will to live till I did.

That chapter in my Chow life ended with Shattered dreams.


Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Part 4 this will be the last installment for the night

                     So now with Gunner finished and puppy Rosie in the house, Ahso-Fanc jepa's wine and roses to be exact and a baby due any day it was time to take a break. Rosie was a beautiful bitch and I was thrilled to own her I had exceptions of showing her finishing her and then breeding her to my Gunner, But as always Life got in the way. Amanda Rose arrived one fine June day her arrival was a blessing and each day she grew and grew. As my baby grew my puppy didn't she was a dwarf so little and never to grow any larger than a 6 month old puppy. But oh we loved her an she loved Amanda they were buddies. So as before I called Marilyn and we discussed what to do. I had decided that my house was two small for a growing child and three chows and we can not forget my cat.So we decided to wait for any more dogs till we moved. So with dog showing on hold I concentrated on watching my baby grow. But I remained involved as a member of the kennel club and an honorary member of the Bulldog club, as you remember I saved a bulldog life.

                 While Amanda was growing in leaps and bounds she is now 2 and we are moving to a bigger yard. We were there maybe 6 months when Marilyn sent me a puppy. Now in Florida you have to be careful when air shipping as lots of times the animals arrive and they take their sweet time bringing to the Cargo office. My dad work for one of the airlines and he told me where to go what to say and what to do.and the biggest thing was not to be late. So I get there 45 minutes early and I watch the plane land and go in and tell them that I am here to pick up a dog that is coming in on the plane that just landed and I can see they unloaded her on the tarmac. I ask them can you send some one to retrieve the dog so it's not in the sun. Their answer was when we check it in we will bring the dog up with the rest of the Cargo. Thirty minutes go by and still no dog. So now I have to get in my car and drive to another part of the airport to find my dad so this dog doesn't die. Also this is an age before cell phones. My farther tells me to go back to the cargo and he will meet me there. I pull back up to see my dad on a cart on the tarmac yelling and when I say yelling you have to have known my dad he neverand I yells. As the worker is load the dog crate up and bringing the puppy up. Now I brought water and my dad was prepared if the worst had happen when I opened the crate. Well I opened the door and out bounced the most beautiful girl who did nothing but  give me kisses. All that she had been through that day and all she wanted to do was kiss me. Hence we now had Ahso Fan-c Jepa's dollar a kiss ( Kissy) as she was called. She was my new hope to get back in the ring. As we were working with her she developed a limp and by limp a painful crying limp so a call to the vet and take her in. They take x-rays and discover she has no balls in her hip sockets so its bone rubbing bone in the worse way. So again I had to make the choice on what to do. With all this they didn't do health testing like they do now and I have had the worse run on dogs you could imagine, I can't blame the breeder in this as she replaced every puppy that had an issue. But I knew I couldn't keep doing this as every loss was devastating and I didn't know how many more heart breaks I could take.

            So now with just Gunner and Rosie I am now expecting my 2nd child. I didn't want any more dogs and just was happy with these two. Showing was becoming a distant memory. My children filled the void and I moved on to a non show world. There was another puppy and this puppy was from the only breeding I ever did with my Gunner. I got pick puppy and he wasn't here very long. If you live in Florida you know about bufu frogs these are very large frogs with poison glands on their backs. While walking him he came across ote and before I could stop him it was in his mouth. I tried to do what poison control said but it was to late and he died in my arms. After that I said no more, Gunner and Rosie were enough.

             My dogs loved my two kids and played and followed them everywhere but both were getting up in years and I had noticed Gunner at 7 was having trouble getting up, But he was still my baby. But as most know our human babies come first. I was never afraid of my dogs around my kids and I knew they would never hurt them but with Gunner getting old I had to be careful of my 2 year old. Then one day the worse of the worse happen as the two year old was running he tripped and fell on the sleeping Gunner who turned and reacted with my sons head. Now there was no bite as I do believe Gunner realized but I now had a traumatized two year old. So as the months went on and Gunner was never allowed to be alone with either of my kids because it was apparent that he was hurting and his hips had gotten so bad there really not much we could have done for him. I said good bye to an old true friend and I was done. No more heart aches for me, I still had Rosie.

Tomorrow part 5 Rosie's adventures

No pictures of Rosie I will have to look and i know there are none of Kisses but here is Sheba my first experience chows 

Part Three Gunner

        No one ever gets over a devastating loss and Boss sent me into a downward spiral. I felt lost with out my boy. But I had another there that needed my attention so I was full stream ahead with Gunner. Again we hit the B matches and he too was winning as Boss had and he too made it seem easy. I talked with Marilyn any chance I could and thinking back I couldn't ask for a better mentor. Gunner was hitting the 6 month age and we were planning his very first show. It was to be in Kansas where the entry is known to be huge. By huge and my memory can be off a little there were about 15-20 puppy males in the 6-9 ring including one who had been winning every where. Now Marilyn didn't tell that half of them would be handlers and that this group would be a very hard one. I was greener then green and as we lined up I was first in with Gunner and the rest followed. Behind me was a handler who was hell bent on pushing us all the up to the end against the fence. Now remember this is my very first time in a AKC confirmation ring. I don't know how I thought of this but I moved my Gunner to go on the side by himself, so they are all lined up facing one way and then there was Gunner and I.We went to be examined at this time it was on the ground, did the up and back and then to the end of the line. I watched all the other dogs and handlers do there thing and it was a blur when she pointed to Gunner and I and said first place. Marilyn was there when we came out and she was so excited that he had beat several puppies who had been doing a lot of winning. She also explained that we would be going back in the ring for winners and that would determine which male would get the points. Now remember the friends who introduced me to Marilyn they were showing a dog in open and they to had won their class.

        We all go into winners there was several of us there were dogs in every class and then this happened. Now I will say people stated that he moved like a dream and we made a good team

Never in my wildest dreams would I think happen I was achieving my dream and with putting his very first major and this would be a start to being hooked. 

but back to reality the next day never got out of the classes. And my friends never spoke to me again. I was later told by Marilyn that they were the ones who tried to stop her from selling me a dog. That was one of the most exciting days of my life one I relive in my mind as often as I can. After this wonderful win my husband took a job and we return to my roots of Miami Florida. He went ahead and I needed to pack up the house and place coco in a new forever home. She adjusted well and was very happy, which surprised me from where she came from but she come a long way but I could not have been more thrilled for her. My in-laws came and they packed up their van and I my astra and Gunner and I started our trek to our new home. So I also need to explain my parents showed and breed old English Bulldogs. They also were not very happy on my choice of dog breed. As a matter of fact my mom wanted me to get an Irish Setter. You see how I listened.  I do remember my father in law wanted to take the scenic route  thinking it would save him time. Well we used CB radios at that time and I had a chow heat emergency once we hit Florida, Told him we needed to find a place with water and shade or I would have a dead dog my car had no A/C and the humidity hit poor Gunner hard. So he found me a hose and shade and we stayed there for a long time till my Gunner felt better. We fast forward to arrival at my parents and can I say Gunner made an awesome first impression and I knew we had a fan. Then it happened he blew all his beautiful coat and I just couldn't get it back and then Marilyn sent me a female puppy Rosie just as cute as a button. Then it really happened I was Pregnant. So much so fast but I was itching to get back in the ring and show my dog. My Mother being a mother put her foot down and said no no no I will get you handlers to show your dog. It wasn't fair he was my dog and i wanted to finish him. I traveled with them so it was her way or no way.  Now this may be odd but I voice train them to Show teeth and tongue and when I hand off the dog I explain this to handlers. Just as I explain to the vets if you want them to go into a crate you have to say go to bed. I know weird but it works. The first Handler didn't want to listen to my instructions and Gunner still being a puppy made him work and work hard.But Gunner got those points. All in all Gunner finished that season show circuit with 16 points 3 majors. At his last show as we were waiting for Chows I was watching a bulldog specialty and it was hot out very hot and a bulldog went down in the ring no one was moving so my brain the way it works I leaped a fence ran to the motor-home yelled at my dad to get me the oxygen tank and ran all the way back to the ring and you would think that someone would help a 8 month pregnant person carrying a huge ass tank. Oh no but I got there, and that Bulldog was saved and I got yelled at by everyone there. But You know what I would do it again. Oh I forgot to tell you that my Gunner bonded with my moms Bulldog baby Bonnie. Those two were always the talk of the show as they shared an ex-pen. Even more so as I was grooming him and my mom was walking Bonnie and they stopped to talk to a person walking a Rottweiler and Gunner jumped off the table there was no stopping him and placed himself between the Rottie and Bonnie people were just amazed about the bond these two had. 

So I now have my first Champion just not the way I wanted it to be.

Part 2 shattered dreams


        So we brought home Boss he was named this as he was born on the 4th of July. It was late that night when we got home but I to introduce him to the pack. Sheba as her and I were bonded like no other took to him like a duck to water. Coco on the other hand let out a growl and Sheba bounced her into the wall as to say we will have none of this. That was the one and only growl that Coco sent his way. Now when I tell you this puppy was smart and wanted nothing to do but please me would be an understatement but he was perfect as some would say to perfect. We started training class, and in Oklahoma at the time there were puppy B matches almost every weekend. He was doing very well and people were noticing. Now I am very protective of my animals as I then became with my children. But some chow people are very nasty and wicked. There was a woman who took a comb out of my hand to work on my Boss. My husband stepped in and very nicely told her if you like your hands attached to your body I would put the comb down and walk away. She did just that walked away. Same show another lady stood there talking and decided she was going to put her hot coffee down on Boss's wire crate up and if I had not been quick enough he would have been burnt. So I had to be on my guard all the time. But he and I had so much fun winning together and he made it look so easy.

   He was a funny boy when his water or food dish was empty he would bring them to me. He never barked, he would walk right beside me off lead I was so happy and just thrilled that my dream was coming true and couldn't wait till he was 6 months old and his first show. At about 4.5 months old I realized that there was something wrong he was not developing a key to his manhood. I called the vet to make an appointment to have him checked. It was that day I got the devastating news his man parts were not there neither one. As I cried on the way home that my dreams were shattered I looked into his beautiful eyes and told him it didn't matter I loved him the same.

     So that night after I composed myself I called Marilyn and told her the devastating news about our Boss. She listened as I explained what the vet said and told her I would be more then happy to forward the report to her along with his number. As she listened she didn't say much. Then she spoke she said well I still have the little red boy I first showed you I can replace Boss with him. We can make arrangements to meet and we can make the exchange. I then in a panic said as wonderful as you are being I can not let my Boss go. I love him and this is his home. I will wait and then come look at puppies. She kinda of chuckled and said I knew you would say that, so I will make you a deal I will replace Boss with this puppy and if  his male parts drop then we will arrange for you to pay for the puppy.So you can keep Boss as I know how loved he is and still have a dog to show. My extreme sadness had disappeared and my true first love was going to stay in his forever home. .
      That next week we again hitched a ride with my friends who were going that way to pick up one red boy who also stole my heart. So entered Ahso-Fanc Jepa's Gunslinger ( Gunner)

 now these two boys were like night and day. And our training continued with my new boy. Lets fast forward to Boss is now 6 months old and still no change, My grandmother had passed and I needed to return to Florida I was gone for about a week and upon returning home I noticed that Boss didn't look right he was bloated and lethargic and asked my husband if he noticed anything, the only thing he said was that he didn't want to play with Gunner. In the morning I called the vet and made an appointment. Again we pray for good news but expect the worst and the worst was my beautiful Cinnamon boy was going to die. He ran all kinds of test and his heart was failing he had right ventricular heart failure. He called the heart specialist at the University of Oklahoma and other ones and they all said the same it would just be a matter of time before I would find him dead.

    I couldn't cut a break I was not to be happy with my Cinnamon boy. So another phone call to Marilyn with this news and as she let me cry and say how unfair it was we decided together that we were not going to let him suffer any more. We decided that the love I had for him I couldn't wish him well and he would not get better. I did the only humane thing I could do for Boss and that was to let him go and be pain free. I am not an emotional person and I lost my best friend it didn't matter to me he wasn't perfect I loved that little boy more than I could breath

This has hung in my home as tribute to the sweetest boy I have ever owned.

Coming soon part three Gunner

A dream being shattered

Hello my old friend. Been a log time so much has happened in my life since the last time you heard my thoughts. This time it's about dreams we all have them, many achieve them then there are those like me that always hit stumbling blocks.

             25 years ago I had a dream that was to own and show and finish the breed that stole my heart The Chow Chow. Back then there was no internet, so you had to actual go meet breeders and talk with them. Now I started in this breed with a bad example of the breed bought from a back-yard breeder as I just wanted to learn all I could about the Chow. I read every book, magazine I could get my hands on. I worked with my dog Sheba everyday took her to training class more for me then her but the two of us learned a lot. First thing I learned is breeders wont talk to you if you have a pet chow in your home and several wanted me to place her in a different home. Well that didn't happen Sheba and I had an unbreakable bond. One day another couple introduced me via phone to a breeder in Kansas ( I lived in Oklahoma at the time). In several weeks she was going to have s litter on the ground and she invited us to go look at her kennel and puppies. My friends were going up in a few weeks to look at a different litter and invited my husband and I to come along for the ride and to meet Marilyn in person to see if we even fit what she looks for in a show home. 

2nd thing I learned don't trust people who claim to be your friends. Half way from Oklahoma to Kansas my friend informed my that this breeder has an issue with pet chows. At this time I had two my Sheba and Coco whom I rescued from an abusive home. Well I thought great this will be a waste of a trip.

          We arrived and welcomed in her home, we all had lunch and a get to know you session. I was asked about my home, my dogs and what I had been doing with them. I told her well even though my Sheba is far from show quality her and I go to training class every week where we are welcomed and every one loves her. We chit chat some more and then she brings in the litter that is several weeks old and said if we decide this one here would be a great little show boy for you. They were about 4 weeks old so there was still time before he could come home. ( I have to tell you I couldn't tell which would be a good puppy or which one wouldn't so I would have to have blind trust). At this time she tells her Husband to take my friends to the puppy kennel and show my husband her stud dogs and champions. This left her and I alone to chat some more. Her and I then went out to the puppy kennel to see the older puppies and I have to tell you in awe I was so many beautiful puppies. It was then I spotted him and he spotted me I cannot tell you what drew me to him but there he was the most beautiful chow I had ever seen. I can tell you it was love at first sight. So I did what I have been known to do and sat in this huge pile of chow puppies and he just crawled up in my lap and made himself at home. Oh the other puppies came up sniffed and left to go play but he stayed. I put him down to play with others and he laid right next to me. As she told me about pedigrees and parents I was listening and learning but I was falling hard for this Cinnamon little boy. In my heart I knew he wouldn't be mine as I was warned about my girls at home and she not wanting pet dogs there.

         She excused her self to go find my husband and hers and left me in puppy heaven. From what my husband explained to me she was concerned that the puppy I had fallen for and had fallen for me we couldn't afford. She also stated she had never see a puppy attach so quick to someone. So back then the 4 week old puppy was 600.00 and the Cinnamon boy was 800.00. You know you have to love my husband as he had not seen the Cinnamon boy yet. He then proceeded to explain he didn't care which one I wanted the price would not break or make the choice for him. Now we have been here for hours and as we sat down for dinner and my friends and the breeder were discussing their terms on what they were going to do for a puppy. I said do you mind if my husband go back outside and look at the dogs and puppies giving you all time alone. So Jeff and I went back and looked at the sires and made our way back to the puppy kennel. There he was the Cinnamon baby following me as I petted all the babies. I loved on him and wished him well told him I was sure that he would go to an awesome home as my heart was breaking. We made our way back to the house and Marilyn and her husband and my friends who were taking home two puppies. To be honest my heart felt like stone I had never felt like this. Marilyn starts with showing me her contract and tell me all about the red boy who is four weeks old and how she thinks he would be a great first starter dog. But she say's in what she saw today changed her mind. As her husband brings in the Cinnamon boy and say's this puppy chose you today and he too would be an excellent starter dog for you. I had to speak up and say we were just coming today to meet and see we are not prepared to buy. Marilyn takes my hand and say's  I wrote this contract for you if you agree to it. I read it my husband reads it and I can't believe it this baby is going to be mine.

Meet Asho-Fanc Jepa's Firecraker  ( Boss)
Born on the 4th of July

Next a heartbreak

So much to say................................................

I have not written in so long, So many thoughts so afraid to put down on paper. When life gets in the way is an understatement. How a few years can really make a difference. When I really thought when she closed the chapter on her high school years I thought for sure she was on to greater and bigger things, she had found a set of coaches that brought out the fun in softball for her, encouraged her and just enjoyed her as a player. Fast forward to August and move in day at the University of Wisconsin Platteville she was so ready to start that part of her life, growing up and moving up. New place new friends, and softball coming up, she was finally free, free to be her. I was still there but an hour and 30 minutes away. She was doing it, all the fears I had for her were gone, I finally felt I could step back and let her grow, some thing I had trouble with in the past. Not that I was over protective, don't get me wrong I was protective but I wanted her to find her wings and fly high.

The first phone call was I think I had a seizure in the shower. Do you know why well I got hot and have been having lots of dreams, okay well make sure you take your pills and get sleep. Mom I met a guy the excitement in her voice was none like I had her before. I was so excited for her, Mom I am coming home this weekend great can't wait to see you, Yeah I can watch Jacob play football and then help you take pictures for Homecoming. What a wonderful weekend that was sad she went back early but to have that time with her was amazing. The laughter and smiles oh so overdue. Soon September would be over but not with out the unexpected. Just in before she had left for School August she had met a young man, This young man was very sweet and had told her he was not leaving her line at Hy-vee till she gave him her number. She was so conflicted she was leaving in a week, But they became fast friends, he wanted so much more than what she wanted to give but they agreed to be friends, Then the devastating news the end of Sept Dylan had taken his life. She was so far away to me at that moment, she was heartbroken, and full of what if's. Nothing any one could say could tell her any different, I had thought we were going to go backwards.

She did very well handling all of this on her own, but going into October her life was going to take a whole different turn none of us would have ever saw coming. She began to have seizures in her sleep, She had seizures before and was diagnosed as pseudo seizures 5 years prior but never in her sleep and never with the  on-slot she was having them. Then she was always complaining of a headache stomach ache, no energy. The straw that broke the camels back so to say was the seizure she had in the shower where she was found still seizing . First of November she came home and took her to the family doctor, he stated she is run down, and has an infection so prescribed antibiotics, she was explaining to him the seizures and that she was now having then 1-2 a week. His answer was do you have any on tape, or maybe your mom wont let the past go and is causing these seizures. But you may need an EEG find a nero and get checked out, once you find a nero we will send a referral to them. This was a Friday so we are left with what to do. Told her I would find one and get an appointment. Saturday we went shopping, went to two cemeteries so she could tell Sami happy birthday an other friend gone to soon, and then she went to see Dylan and I know that was very hard on her but she needed to do that for herself,  then came home, she went into the family room and was playing with the dogs. She had fallen asleep and had a seizure like none I had ever seen before, this went on for about 3-5 minutes not sure because I didn't time it nor did I video it. When she finally did come out of it I felt she should be seen by a doctor because if these are what she has been having once or twice a week I am no doctor but there is an issue.

After getting her in the car I drove her and her brother to the hospital, she was groggy, sore and sleepy you could see that by looking at her.My luck there is a doctor and I use that term very loosely because I think he got is MD from a cracker jack box. He stood there and told me I didn't see what I saw, I didn't witness the violent shaking and thrashing. I am sorry my daughter is not a hypochondriac and I sure don't have Munchhausen by proxy disease. So I call and beg my family doctor order an EEG, nope I wont find a Nero. So at my wits end because with her other issues I don't know if its mental or medical I call her psychologist who says call her doctor back and tell him that I feel she needs one. I do that as I feel like a ping pong ball, nope family doctor wont do it. Psychologist finally orders it herself.

We are now in Nov and she is still having seizures, but we have an appointment for not only an EEG but with a Nero. Sleep deprived EEG is now done and we only have to wait on the results. I think the wait is the worse, is this a condition from what she has already or is there an other chapter?  

Four wonderful children, two are grown and doing great 2 are a work in progress.

First off I must start by saying in the past my blogs have offended some people, Some think that this blog is about them, when in fact this blog is my feeling and my feelings alone. It doesn't always reflect any one person, It has to do with my life and the life of my family. A blog is to write things you feel and sometimes I need to get it all out. So if you chose to read anything into what I post then it's your problem not mine. 

I have 4 wonderful children, I may not speak a lot of the older two, They are grown and their journey into life is that of their own. I am very proud of them they have accomplished so much more then I could have dreamed of. They have succeed in ways that makes a mom so proud. I don't have to worry about them in the journey that they are on. They know as their mom I have their backs, I am here for them day and night but they have the tools that they can now stand on their own two feet.

I have now the two younger ones, and the youngest is still trying to find his way, He has excelled and exceeded his way in sports. He although is trying to find his way in the world, school wise and friend wise. There has been bumps in his road but so far he has come out of it okay. He is learning about relationships and other then his smart mouth and unwillingness to clean and put his clothes away he has a heart of gold. It is coming and he is a work in progress, he shows me new things every day and I know he will succeeded once he puts his mind to anything. He is involved in FFA and wants to raise a goat I think for show to complete that task in his school.Football camp is coming and FFA has some things this summer he wants to attend so that would be so good for him. I see big things in his future and I couldn't be more proud of him.

Now it brings me the the 2 middle child, After I had the first 2 I didn't think I would ever have any more, besides a doctor had told me at 17 I wouldn't have any, I am so glad that he was wrong. She is so much like me but then again so unlike me, It was a semi tough pregnancy with her, I had fainting spells all the time, then when she was born a little two early they decided at 6 pounds and not breathing, I knew her I would always worry about. she wouldn't eat and was very tiny but she struggled and she is an amazing 17 year now., This road with her hasn't always been easy. As far as school she has always excelled every thing she has done she has always exceeded any expectation. Dance, track, cheer, Softball, there have been obstetrical but she has never given up. Never let any one tear her down. Almost 4 years ago she experienced an extremely traumatic incident that no mother or parent would want any one of their children to go through, But the one thing she learned from that is that she is a survivor. She lives by this quote "Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going” I could never be more proud of her, But it was a long road to get there. 

It took weeks and months and a lot of therapy to get her here, there were many days that I thought I would lose her as she was giving up. there were the suicide watches her feeling alone and having the feeling of inadequacy.  I watched her wither away in her room, being the shell of the child I once knew. Going through the motions of her life. Pushing all her friends away giving up on her life. Then when I thought all was lost she started to come back, she smiled more, she was taking care of herself, she was alive again. I know who to thank for part of this, She made the choice to evolve but this person was a great part of it for so long. 

She has since learned of heartbreak but she has moved on in her life. Trying to gain back herself, she has matured into a beautiful young women who I know will find that certain someone who will melt her heart once she allows herself to give away again. She doesn't play games, nor would she want to hurt the people she loves, and some people have changed and will find out that as a friend she is the best. 

She has loved and lost she has been injured playing the game she loves softball, she has been bullied, intimidated by adults, adults she looked up to. But you know what you can't hurt her, she is stronger than that. Some one said once I babied her, nope I was helping her become the person she is today. Stronger them most girls her age, wiser then a lot of adults. I saw that as she was helping coach a coach pitch softball team, she was there for all of them, Even though she was their for just one she gave them all encouragement. Who knows what she will do about softball the game she loves, But I do know what ever she does it will be on her terms. No one will ever trap her again into believing that she is worthless. 
As I watched her on the field and she flash that million dollar smile as the player ran to first as she cheered her on, I saw something I had not seen in a long time, a happy well round with all the confidence in the world  young adult, at this point I realized the little child of four years ago was gone and she would be alright. 

When the Holiday's are over

When the Holiday's are over and you take everything down and put it away I don't know about everyone else but to me it's depressing. My house is then dark and depressing, no lights no Christmas smells, No music, just dark and depressing. It's not that I want to buy presents 364 day's a year, but I love the way my house looks at Christmas. Now I have to wait 11 months till we are there again.

Well at least there are no after Christmas bills, that is good and the kids all got what they wanted so I succeeded there. I think my husband was even happy with the little bit I got him. So I have to say this Holiday season was a success.

Now we move on to Prom season, softball season and track season. Is there is a season that my kids don't have me involved in. I don't think so. So we are saving out pennies don't know how many yet. Because we also have a college graduation to attend as Son 1 is graduation this year.

As a look around my kitchen I am still depressed as I have put up the things that stay up all year, But I can't find the one thing I need for the stove and that is my spoon and trivet don't know where I put them. I have searched and searched but I can't find them nor do I remember where they are or my chef electric burner.

Sooner then I want to admit all my kids will be leaving home and then I feel that Christmas may never be the same as they are such a help with baking, Christmas eve dinner , wrapping and yes decorating the house,.

Oh well I depressed my self enough

see you on the flip side