First off I must start by saying in the past my blogs have offended some people, Some think that this blog is about them, when in fact this blog is my feeling and my feelings alone. It doesn't always reflect any one person, It has to do with my life and the life of my family. A blog is to write things you feel and sometimes I need to get it all out. So if you chose to read anything into what I post then it's your problem not mine.
I have 4 wonderful children, I may not speak a lot of the older two, They are grown and their journey into life is that of their own. I am very proud of them they have accomplished so much more then I could have dreamed of. They have succeed in ways that makes a mom so proud. I don't have to worry about them in the journey that they are on. They know as their mom I have their backs, I am here for them day and night but they have the tools that they can now stand on their own two feet.
I have now the two younger ones, and the youngest is still trying to find his way, He has excelled and exceeded his way in sports. He although is trying to find his way in the world, school wise and friend wise. There has been bumps in his road but so far he has come out of it okay. He is learning about relationships and other then his smart mouth and unwillingness to clean and put his clothes away he has a heart of gold. It is coming and he is a work in progress, he shows me new things every day and I know he will succeeded once he puts his mind to anything. He is involved in FFA and wants to raise a goat I think for show to complete that task in his school.Football camp is coming and FFA has some things this summer he wants to attend so that would be so good for him. I see big things in his future and I couldn't be more proud of him.
Now it brings me the the 2 middle child, After I had the first 2 I didn't think I would ever have any more, besides a doctor had told me at 17 I wouldn't have any, I am so glad that he was wrong. She is so much like me but then again so unlike me, It was a semi tough pregnancy with her, I had fainting spells all the time, then when she was born a little two early they decided at 6 pounds and not breathing, I knew her I would always worry about. she wouldn't eat and was very tiny but she struggled and she is an amazing 17 year now., This road with her hasn't always been easy. As far as school she has always excelled every thing she has done she has always exceeded any expectation. Dance, track, cheer, Softball, there have been obstetrical but she has never given up. Never let any one tear her down. Almost 4 years ago she experienced an extremely traumatic incident that no mother or parent would want any one of their children to go through, But the one thing she learned from that is that she is a survivor. She lives by this quote "Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going” I could never be more proud of her, But it was a long road to get there.
It took weeks and months and a lot of therapy to get her here, there were many days that I thought I would lose her as she was giving up. there were the suicide watches her feeling alone and having the feeling of inadequacy. I watched her wither away in her room, being the shell of the child I once knew. Going through the motions of her life. Pushing all her friends away giving up on her life. Then when I thought all was lost she started to come back, she smiled more, she was taking care of herself, she was alive again. I know who to thank for part of this, She made the choice to evolve but this person was a great part of it for so long.
She has since learned of heartbreak but she has moved on in her life. Trying to gain back herself, she has matured into a beautiful young women who I know will find that certain someone who will melt her heart once she allows herself to give away again. She doesn't play games, nor would she want to hurt the people she loves, and some people have changed and will find out that as a friend she is the best.
She has loved and lost she has been injured playing the game she loves softball, she has been bullied, intimidated by adults, adults she looked up to. But you know what you can't hurt her, she is stronger than that. Some one said once I babied her, nope I was helping her become the person she is today. Stronger them most girls her age, wiser then a lot of adults. I saw that as she was helping coach a coach pitch softball team, she was there for all of them, Even though she was their for just one she gave them all encouragement. Who knows what she will do about softball the game she loves, But I do know what ever she does it will be on her terms. No one will ever trap her again into believing that she is worthless.
As I watched her on the field and she flash that million dollar smile as the player ran to first as she cheered her on, I saw something I had not seen in a long time, a happy well round with all the confidence in the world young adult, at this point I realized the little child of four years ago was gone and she would be alright.