Life needs to cut me some slack

I am so tired of this life I lead, I am so tired of the more downs then ups. It pains me to think that this is how I am suppose to live, I always joke about if I didn't have bad luck I would have no luck but you know I am so tired of it being the truth.

Everything is just so messed up. Sometimes I question if it is all worth it. Wouldn't the world and life be better off if i wasn't in it. There are so many times I really think so. Yes I know I have four great kids, I am healthy have a husband who loves me, But there is more to life and I want some of it. I want to be able to say yes sometimes and not always no. It's always no no no, you can't have that we can't do this, no I can't buy that. No you can't go to Washington with the 8th graders, No you can't go to the movies. It's always no. Yes we went on vacation but I went kicking and screaming. I knew we should not have gone. I knew my life would get in the way.

So as I sat in church today I asked God a lot of questions, Questions that only he would have the answers to. But to be honest I really don't think he is listening and at some point I don't think he cares. That is a problem to try an have faith and think that there is nothing to have faith in. You would think at my age my life would get easier but nooooo it only gets harder. Having to always have my children do with out sometimes is even harder. They don't understand well most of them don't understand and why should they, they shouldn't have anything to worry about.

Christmas the one time of the year I loved, now I dread it year after year, Holiday cheer who cares, I sure don't and I am so tired of going through the motions of being happy and cheery. I had been saving money hoarding so to speak so we could do the yearly day after Thanksgiving shopping for the kids. Now I had told them all that Santa was on a budget and we would have to choose wisely what they wanted. But I had my lists and we were ready so I thought. Till Weds. when I was hit with a blow. Just another train hitting me full on., So I wasn't going to go because I now needed the funds for other things. No 198.00 Tv for the rooms no lap top for 198.00 no big ticket item at all. What did we settler on oh boy what a thrilling shopping spree 1.98 and 5.00 movies. Yup that is what my kids are getting. Oh there is a few other things but that was the bulk of it. Instead of spending what I normally do I think I spent a whopping 150.00 when all said and done. That is so pitiful, not that it's not something but it's nothing compared to anything they would have gotten. To say they will be disappointed is an understatement, as their list this year were not unreasonable.

Law Student wanted the 198.00 TV, Business student wanted a Zune touch, Diva wanted an Ipod Touch and lilman wanted anything to do with wrestling. Well I got a few wrestlers so yeah me. I am a failure with a capital F and i am tired so tired of all this. Just not sure where I want to go from here.

All of my Christmas stuff is down from the attic and I have no desire or want to put it up. yes I know I am having a pity party, but the alternatives could be worse. I have thought of alternatives several to be exact, and they are still swirling in by thoughts. I just need to see what tomorrow will bring.

On an up side if there is an upside I am still smoke free and law student surprised me with one of these.

A fire place

Elderly Thanksgiving

Well dinner is over and every one seemed to enjoy it. We did things different we served them as they sat. I am not sure they liked that idea but the kids who did the serving did. It seems that we had the most we have ever had there. The table was set for 35 and I believe there was maybe 5 seats empty.

There was more then enough food and I am always worried about that, but then again no one wanted left overs I asked and asked but there was no takers, not that there was a whole lot, but there was enough for them to have some for dinner, I made two turkeys and a ham .

two young adults and turkey cup cakes

Now law student and business student are very good at helping me, Let me restate that they are they best at helping. And I do come up with some weird ideas to make. I try to be different in the things to make. sometimes since these recipes are from other parts of the country, my area doesn't always carry the exact item that they use. Take the turkey cup cakes my area doesn't carry the small s shaped cookies. So I thought maybe we could use candy. Epic fail so I now have headless turkey's. Cute but not what I wanted. So you can not improvise cookie turkey heads. But you can use orange gummy candy in place of chicklets.

So the cooking is done, and even though I am tired and feel this is so not worth it, I know they will enjoy it, I wont as I can not stand to look at food at this point. I made a lot of food. But I always make a lot of food, I also can never decide on what to make and who will like what I make, so I have to make different stuff. I also get bored with lots of items I make so I am always looking for different and that is what gets me in trouble.

Monday the week of Thanksgiving

Well my stove has been working over time as I prepare the Thanksgiving feast for the elderly in one of the building that I manage, and so far I have cooked a lot. I still have two turkeys, a ham, and a couple of appetizers still to make but that is tomorrow. What i have realized in all this I am way to old to do any of it.

I went over board and here is what I have made

http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/Fruited-Turkey


http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/Turkey-Cheese-Ball


http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/Pumpkin-Pie-Dip


http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/Cucumber-Canapes


http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/B...ese-Bruschetta


http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/U...arty-Meatballs


main course will consist of 2 turkeys and a ham
the sides will be

http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/B...ddar-Casserole


http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/Scalloped-Corn-2


http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/M...Corn-Casserole


http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/M...Sweet-Potatoes


http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/Whipped-Potatoes


http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/Green-Bean-Casserole


http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/Green-Bean-Casserole


http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/S...tato-Casserole


http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/M...ultry-Dressing


Plus plain stuffing

Dessert

http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/Banana-Cream-Pie x2


http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/Pretzel-Dessert


http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/Pilgrim-Hat-Cookies


2 cherry pies
2 apple pies

2 http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/No-Cook-Coconut-Pie


http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/Candy-Bar-Pie-3


http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/Easy-Pumpkin-Pie


http://www.kitchendaily.com/2010/09/10/turkey-cupcakes/


Drinks
coffee both reg and decf, hot water for tea
and these

http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/Snow-Punch


http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/Coffee-Punch


http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/Percolator-Punch

so this may be the last year and i am really leaning towards that. Although most of them enjoy it I don't think I have it in me to continue. It really is more then I want to handle, I plan the menu, buy the menu cook the menu and have no desire to eat the menu.

It is also getting close to black Friday and I am not sure that I am up to that. Although it is something I do with my kids and we have a lot of fun and conquering the stores is always a challenge, again I am getting old and the kids are getting older, It's not like it used to be to get that hot toy they wanted and I wait in the line hoping to snag one. Some people it was Cabbage patch dolls, some people it was tickle me elmo. For me it was Furbe the annoying creature that every kid just had to have. I trudge to the store stood in line, didn't get one. Felt defeated and knew my kids would be disappointed. But alas I did get two, and for ten minutes they were thrilled then they sat on a shelf and collected dust. But we have grown in our wants and the little things no longer thrill them. Oh why did Christmas get so complicated.

PS 48 day's smoke free

Well well

Thanks giving is almost upon us, and we know that deep down we all have a lot to be thankful for. Sometimes it is hiding in life. We don't always know what life holds for us. Some times life deals us a raw hand, and sometimes the cards in that hand isn't always a winning hand. So we get dealt a new hand, Sometimes we would love to fold that hand, but have to play it out. We sometimes bet all the chips we have to get ahead. But then we know that we should have folded.

We don't always look at the positive things we have in life, We only see the negative things. We don't stop to smell the roses so to speak. We also don't look to see out side our so called world. Even if we don 't think we have been dealt a winning hand there are others who take that hand and turn it around, they make the most of their lives and live for the day.

Take the family with the physically or emotional challenged child, they don't have regrets they live life for the moment, they laugh together and they cry together, every milestone is celebrated. They only question the little things. They accept the challenges, makes you look in awe on that love of the family. Your problems pale in any way to theirs

Everything these day's are about money, who has what, and how we can out do each other. Gone are the day's of sitting outside and enjoying each others company. Gone is getting to know your neighbours. Enjoying watching your children catch lighting bugs. The world when you grew up is gone. It can never be a simple world again.

Tell your children you love them, spend time doing the simple things. Make these holiday's about time together, celebrate a new beginning.

Take time to smell the Christmas trees, learn to laugh again. just find yourself and play the hand you were given and you will then find peace with in your self.

Dancing Diva and Dance

So as most if you know Diva dances, she has been dancing since she was 7, she begged and begged to take ballet, So I found a dance school and I enrolled her, thinking this would be a passing phase and she would want to quit. No not diva she learned quick and loved it and thrived. So the following year she tried out for their dance team and we began a new journey for her and dance. I had never seen a child take to something and be dedicated as she was her heart belonged to dance.

second year on the team she sprained her ankle right before her first competition but she danced she would not let the team down. she was dedicated and it showed. Now it has not been all wine and roses at the studio but as long as she thrived and loved dance I was happy.

Then as she got older it got harder, then she went into Middle school and found Track, When I say she hurdles like a gazelle it is an understatement as a 6th grader she was the only one to go to sectionals and she was ranked 5 in the district. Do she found another love. Well it got sticker as dance and school clashed with dates but we worked it out. Now 7th grade was a challenge and she had a hard time as again she was set to go t sectionals and this year she was ranked 3rd. But it was hard one her.

This year she decided to cut back on dance and take the time to devote her self school and sports with the school. Now I will never know if she made the right choice but I know she feels like an outcast at the one place she loved. Tonight on the way home she told me that the girls she has danced with for the past 6 years now treat her like she isn't there, they don't talk to her at all, or include her in anything they do away from dance. That light shone so bright now is so dim, it's heart breaking. Then tonight she tells me that she was asked to do wall stretches as they went over team dances that they would do on the night she doesn't go. So for almost an hour she was left to do her thing because she isn't dancing on the teams this year.

I finally asked her tonight if she wanted to quit. I can not see her feeling like she doesn't belong there any more.

Nothing better then a clean house

Nothing smells better then a clean house. And I have one, There isn't a dust bunny to be found, Well yeah there is there is still my room to do. But every picture every nick nack every corner, curtains, blinds are clean. I do believe that all the nicotine is gone. but it'a nice to have a clean house. All I need now is to clean the carpets, The one in the kitchen really needs it, but then again it always does. Who in their right mind carpets the kitchen??, Well some day we will tile, well we have the tile have had it for the past 12 years, just a matter of it getting put down in the kitchen.

Now I am also trying to retrain a kitty, Ella has an issue and I am tired of it, so right now she is confined to the bathroom with her food and water and litter box. Lets hope this is a success because she is such a sweet kitty. I did a lot of reading on the Internet and this is what I read every where so It is worth a shot. I am hoping she will retrain her self like every thing I read.

Lil man has taken 3 weekend to do is room and it's still not done, I don't know how long he wants to be grounded, he has lost everything. If he would just do it then there wouldn't be any issues and it would be done. no he would rather just shove things in corners and think he is hiding things. Little does he know there were three before him and they have all done the same thing.

I have been looking at the ads and there seems to be some bargains nothing really to write home about but there are a few, Although k-mart and wal-mart are still AOL but I am sure they will appear soon. I just can not seem to get in the zone, this is bothering me, I just don't have my Santa spirit, oh well maybe it will come.

Did I tell you all that Diva was such a big help, along with Hubby, they washed walls, and scrubbed and neither complained. We all worked together and got it all done. I love it when a plan comes together,

Chow for now

Well I started

I started to cook for the Elderly Thanksgiving, Since I am not cooking, cooking it, just preparing it I thought it would be easier to just do that and freeze it, then cook and heat and things wont be cooked twice. So that is different this year then in years past.

So far I have made the

Mallow-topped sweet potatoes

scalloped Corn

Savory Green bean casserole

whipped potatoes

ultimate party meatballs

Green bean casserole

sweet potato casserole.]

Candy bar Pie

not to bad for a day's work.

I decided that this year I think we are going to serve them instead of buffet style. I think they will enjoy that so much. And there will be enough of us to do this so I think it's a go. But I can still change my mind.

For those of you who do not know about getting the ads early for Black Friday you can go to Gottadeal.com be sure to register and you can see now the Target,Best Buy, Sears, JC Penney, Toys R us and a few others. They are still waiting on others but they will all be there before we know it.

So tomorrow will be weekend two of the great deep cleaning of the house. I do hope we get farther this weekend then we did last. I will not decorate till the house is clean, so if it doesn't get clean it will look very bare this year. I don't get as much help as I would like. Last weekend as my husband sat and watched me do walls, I finally said to him I really don't need you here to sit and watch me. He has been married to me for 27 years he knows what needs to be done, I will not tell him, If I have to tell him I would just do it myself.

Love to you all

Okay I have been bad

I have neglected my blog and my blog friends, I promise to do better, It has been the bully week from hell. It started last Tuesday when to high school kids put their hands on lilman. That didn't make me happy so a trip to the school Tuesday, Weds, and Thursday and several phone calls later.

I thought I had made head way only to find out that it didn't seem to matter. Well today I made it matter, And yes they listened they may not like what I had to say but they listened., It was a week and lilman who for all purposes was the victim was they one they had imposed a punishment to.

Well that is no more and the bus driver is not happy but I don't care, they should have dealt with this a different way and not make it so now my son will never tell any one if he is being bullied. They did this and they better hope nothing ever happens on the bus again. The director of the bus company learned that his driver doesn't always tell him everything. Oh well lets just hope it settles down. But he doesn't have to sit in the front any more which is a good thing.

I have one completely clean room that is free of any hint of nicotine and smoke. I need to get a move on it as it is the 9th of Nov and I need to start bringing down the Christmas stuff and transform my house. Which I will show the transformation here on the blog. It really is a lot and sometimes I just don't know why I go over board as I do, It just happened. Every year I say I am going to cut back and not do so much but it just doesn't work that way. I sat I am going to do things different every year and that doesn't happen either. But we will see what I come up with.

I started to buy the food for the elderly thanksgiving this year it will be different, Because I am thinking this may be the last year. I am getting to old to cook the way that I do for them. I know that they enjoy it well most of them do but it's so much work and I am just not up to it any more. 14 years is a long time to be doing this and I am tired, Besides I think I over plan it. But who knows I could change my mind.

Then in a few short weeks we have Black Friday, I just don't have the excitement that prior ones have had for me, Could be the fact wondering where the money is going to come from for Christmas. But I will find it I always do. But just not over excited for the holiday's this year, but then again that can change.

We will start with Diva's Facebook status

i might be a girl and only 13 and might look like a little girl but dont under estimate me if you bully my little brother i will find you.... stupid boys on the bus if the dont watch out i will beat the crap out of them exspecially if they lay another hand on him he is my brother and thats my job and if you try this i advise you to sleep with one eye open cuz this short 13 year old girl will kick you butt! :)

Well Let me tell you I will not put up with Bullies, I don't care that they are in 8th and 9th grade, This is my son. No one lays a hand on my son. They went to far today, and then to top it off he gets in trouble on the bus. It just isn't going to happen. I don't care that I live in a small town were they ar4 not in the 21 st century and any one who is not blonde and blued doesn't belong. I am sorry you have a hate for minorities. But we are I am sorry to say as white as your punk asses.

This child wouldn't hurt a fly he wont fight back as we taught him better then that. But But But I will not let you or allow you to take your hate out on an 11 year old boy. Gay do you really known what it is to be gay, and I don't mean the happy kind. why would you call an 11 year old gay when you don't know the first thing about a sexual preference.

Break his legs off and throw him in the pond, Touch him again and see what happens.

Why do we live in a world that has so much hate, and to be honest young kids don't know why they hate, they learn this from their parents, grandparents and friends. What happen to tolerance, what happen to educate your self about different cultures. We may be olive skin, we may have dark hair and eyes. But just a question have you ever seen the Godfather.