Friday, April 1, 2016

So much to say................................................

I have not written in so long, So many thoughts so afraid to put down on paper. When life gets in the way is an understatement. How a few years can really make a difference. When I really thought when she closed the chapter on her high school years I thought for sure she was on to greater and bigger things, she had found a set of coaches that brought out the fun in softball for her, encouraged her and just enjoyed her as a player. Fast forward to August and move in day at the University of Wisconsin Platteville she was so ready to start that part of her life, growing up and moving up. New place new friends, and softball coming up, she was finally free, free to be her. I was still there but an hour and 30 minutes away. She was doing it, all the fears I had for her were gone, I finally felt I could step back and let her grow, some thing I had trouble with in the past. Not that I was over protective, don't get me wrong I was protective but I wanted her to find her wings and fly high.

The first phone call was I think I had a seizure in the shower. Do you know why well I got hot and have been having lots of dreams, okay well make sure you take your pills and get sleep. Mom I met a guy the excitement in her voice was none like I had her before. I was so excited for her, Mom I am coming home this weekend great can't wait to see you, Yeah I can watch Jacob play football and then help you take pictures for Homecoming. What a wonderful weekend that was sad she went back early but to have that time with her was amazing. The laughter and smiles oh so overdue. Soon September would be over but not with out the unexpected. Just in before she had left for School August she had met a young man, This young man was very sweet and had told her he was not leaving her line at Hy-vee till she gave him her number. She was so conflicted she was leaving in a week, But they became fast friends, he wanted so much more than what she wanted to give but they agreed to be friends, Then the devastating news the end of Sept Dylan had taken his life. She was so far away to me at that moment, she was heartbroken, and full of what if's. Nothing any one could say could tell her any different, I had thought we were going to go backwards.

She did very well handling all of this on her own, but going into October her life was going to take a whole different turn none of us would have ever saw coming. She began to have seizures in her sleep, She had seizures before and was diagnosed as pseudo seizures 5 years prior but never in her sleep and never with the  on-slot she was having them. Then she was always complaining of a headache stomach ache, no energy. The straw that broke the camels back so to say was the seizure she had in the shower where she was found still seizing . First of November she came home and took her to the family doctor, he stated she is run down, and has an infection so prescribed antibiotics, she was explaining to him the seizures and that she was now having then 1-2 a week. His answer was do you have any on tape, or maybe your mom wont let the past go and is causing these seizures. But you may need an EEG find a nero and get checked out, once you find a nero we will send a referral to them. This was a Friday so we are left with what to do. Told her I would find one and get an appointment. Saturday we went shopping, went to two cemeteries so she could tell Sami happy birthday an other friend gone to soon, and then she went to see Dylan and I know that was very hard on her but she needed to do that for herself,  then came home, she went into the family room and was playing with the dogs. She had fallen asleep and had a seizure like none I had ever seen before, this went on for about 3-5 minutes not sure because I didn't time it nor did I video it. When she finally did come out of it I felt she should be seen by a doctor because if these are what she has been having once or twice a week I am no doctor but there is an issue.

After getting her in the car I drove her and her brother to the hospital, she was groggy, sore and sleepy you could see that by looking at her.My luck there is a doctor and I use that term very loosely because I think he got is MD from a cracker jack box. He stood there and told me I didn't see what I saw, I didn't witness the violent shaking and thrashing. I am sorry my daughter is not a hypochondriac and I sure don't have Munchhausen by proxy disease. So I call and beg my family doctor order an EEG, nope I wont find a Nero. So at my wits end because with her other issues I don't know if its mental or medical I call her psychologist who says call her doctor back and tell him that I feel she needs one. I do that as I feel like a ping pong ball, nope family doctor wont do it. Psychologist finally orders it herself.

We are now in Nov and she is still having seizures, but we have an appointment for not only an EEG but with a Nero. Sleep deprived EEG is now done and we only have to wait on the results. I think the wait is the worse, is this a condition from what she has already or is there an other chapter?