First off I must start by saying in the past my blogs have offended some people, Some think that this blog is about them, when in fact this blog is my feeling and my feelings alone. It doesn't always reflect any one person, It has to do with my life and the life of my family. A blog is to write things you feel and sometimes I need to get it all out. So if you chose to read anything into what I post then it's your problem not mine.
I have 4 wonderful children, I may not speak a lot of the older two, They are grown and their journey into life is that of their own. I am very proud of them they have accomplished so much more then I could have dreamed of. They have succeed in ways that makes a mom so proud. I don't have to worry about them in the journey that they are on. They know as their mom I have their backs, I am here for them day and night but they have the tools that they can now stand on their own two feet.
I have now the two younger ones, and the youngest is still trying to find his way, He has excelled and exceeded his way in sports. He although is trying to find his way in the world, school wise and friend wise. There has been bumps in his road but so far he has come out of it okay. He is learning about relationships and other then his smart mouth and unwillingness to clean and put his clothes away he has a heart of gold. It is coming and he is a work in progress, he shows me new things every day and I know he will succeeded once he puts his mind to anything. He is involved in FFA and wants to raise a goat I think for show to complete that task in his school.Football camp is coming and FFA has some things this summer he wants to attend so that would be so good for him. I see big things in his future and I couldn't be more proud of him.
Now it brings me the the 2 middle child, After I had the first 2 I didn't think I would ever have any more, besides a doctor had told me at 17 I wouldn't have any, I am so glad that he was wrong. She is so much like me but then again so unlike me, It was a semi tough pregnancy with her, I had fainting spells all the time, then when she was born a little two early they decided at 6 pounds and not breathing, I knew her I would always worry about. she wouldn't eat and was very tiny but she struggled and she is an amazing 17 year now., This road with her hasn't always been easy. As far as school she has always excelled every thing she has done she has always exceeded any expectation. Dance, track, cheer, Softball, there have been obstetrical but she has never given up. Never let any one tear her down. Almost 4 years ago she experienced an extremely traumatic incident that no mother or parent would want any one of their children to go through, But the one thing she learned from that is that she is a survivor. She lives by this quote "Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going” I could never be more proud of her, But it was a long road to get there.
It took weeks and months and a lot of therapy to get her here, there were many days that I thought I would lose her as she was giving up. there were the suicide watches her feeling alone and having the feeling of inadequacy. I watched her wither away in her room, being the shell of the child I once knew. Going through the motions of her life. Pushing all her friends away giving up on her life. Then when I thought all was lost she started to come back, she smiled more, she was taking care of herself, she was alive again. I know who to thank for part of this, She made the choice to evolve but this person was a great part of it for so long.
She has since learned of heartbreak but she has moved on in her life. Trying to gain back herself, she has matured into a beautiful young women who I know will find that certain someone who will melt her heart once she allows herself to give away again. She doesn't play games, nor would she want to hurt the people she loves, and some people have changed and will find out that as a friend she is the best.
She has loved and lost she has been injured playing the game she loves softball, she has been bullied, intimidated by adults, adults she looked up to. But you know what you can't hurt her, she is stronger than that. Some one said once I babied her, nope I was helping her become the person she is today. Stronger them most girls her age, wiser then a lot of adults. I saw that as she was helping coach a coach pitch softball team, she was there for all of them, Even though she was their for just one she gave them all encouragement. Who knows what she will do about softball the game she loves, But I do know what ever she does it will be on her terms. No one will ever trap her again into believing that she is worthless.
As I watched her on the field and she flash that million dollar smile as the player ran to first as she cheered her on, I saw something I had not seen in a long time, a happy well round with all the confidence in the world young adult, at this point I realized the little child of four years ago was gone and she would be alright.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Sunday, January 12, 2014
When the Holiday's are over
When the Holiday's are over and you take everything down and put it away I don't know about everyone else but to me it's depressing. My house is then dark and depressing, no lights no Christmas smells, No music, just dark and depressing. It's not that I want to buy presents 364 day's a year, but I love the way my house looks at Christmas. Now I have to wait 11 months till we are there again.
Well at least there are no after Christmas bills, that is good and the kids all got what they wanted so I succeeded there. I think my husband was even happy with the little bit I got him. So I have to say this Holiday season was a success.
Now we move on to Prom season, softball season and track season. Is there is a season that my kids don't have me involved in. I don't think so. So we are saving out pennies don't know how many yet. Because we also have a college graduation to attend as Son 1 is graduation this year.
As a look around my kitchen I am still depressed as I have put up the things that stay up all year, But I can't find the one thing I need for the stove and that is my spoon and trivet don't know where I put them. I have searched and searched but I can't find them nor do I remember where they are or my chef electric burner.
Sooner then I want to admit all my kids will be leaving home and then I feel that Christmas may never be the same as they are such a help with baking, Christmas eve dinner , wrapping and yes decorating the house,.
Oh well I depressed my self enough
see you on the flip side
Well at least there are no after Christmas bills, that is good and the kids all got what they wanted so I succeeded there. I think my husband was even happy with the little bit I got him. So I have to say this Holiday season was a success.
Now we move on to Prom season, softball season and track season. Is there is a season that my kids don't have me involved in. I don't think so. So we are saving out pennies don't know how many yet. Because we also have a college graduation to attend as Son 1 is graduation this year.
As a look around my kitchen I am still depressed as I have put up the things that stay up all year, But I can't find the one thing I need for the stove and that is my spoon and trivet don't know where I put them. I have searched and searched but I can't find them nor do I remember where they are or my chef electric burner.
Sooner then I want to admit all my kids will be leaving home and then I feel that Christmas may never be the same as they are such a help with baking, Christmas eve dinner , wrapping and yes decorating the house,.
Oh well I depressed my self enough
see you on the flip side
Friday, January 10, 2014
As a parent we can learn a lot
I learned something this morning my soon to be 17 year old is not a little girl any more, She has been growing up before my eyes. She can make decisions on what she wants to do after she weighs it all out. I have to say I am quite proud of her all the time. She most definitely has had her ups and downs. Her pains and her victories. But I will say they have been all hers, she has owned them and moved on.
This child has always been into some type of sport dance, track, softball cheer, as a mom can I say I have pushed her yes, pushed her to be the best that she can be. Never can I compare her to any one else as there is always some one faster, stronger and better then her. But to be her personal best is what I can do.If that isn't enough then she has to have the drive. I can never compare her to any one else because she isn't any one else. But I can push, drive and supply her with the tools she will need to achieve her personal goal.
I think she has realized a few things in the past couple of years. She has to want to do something, It's okay to fail, but never give up. She is a lot stronger then I or she gives her self credit for. But the one thing she knows is I will guide her, tell her when she is wrong praise her when it is needed but most of all I am always there I will always have her back.
I want my children to do what ever they want, I want my children to be successful in their own right, I don't ever want them to be able to do something I may say or do. There dad and I didn't grow up in the small town we live in now and sports here are so political. But my children play they have yearned their spots because they have the drive and heart to want to be there. I have tried to instill that in them. I don't ever want it said they only play because they are so and so kid, or they know so and so. From my older child to my younger child they have always earned their playing time because they do what it takes to play.
This soon to be 17 year old is no different. At 7 she took to dance along with rec softball, Oh how she loved to dance, she picked up the steps quick and you could tell she loved it. So she danced and she dance on a competitive team, they were all good, was she the best no was she good yes, but she wanted more, so she went to a ballet school too, But she felt she didn't fit in, didn't have the body type she said, But the truth is they intimidated her. They were that good. and she was just starting out in Ballet and felt she couldn't catch up. So she stuck with what she knew she was good at just to dance. When she was 11 or 12 don't remember she wanted to try out for America's got talent, She wanted to dance, I know she knew it was a long shot but she wanted to try, So she danced and she practiced and she danced and practiced, We then drove to Chicago, Yes I drove to Chicago at 3 in the morning to get there for the call. I never really realized the long day we were in for. And the longer we waited the more she second guessed her self. Then she wanted to go home and not dance, then she would be close to tears, I let her talk, I tried to calm her told I would do what ever she wanted. At 6:00 pm we moved to the area for the actual audition, Then they called her name, She went in that room and danced her heart out, Was she good enough to get called back, No but she did something she wanted to do and she was good.
Then there was track, Who knew my little bodied middle school student, could run the hurdles and the 100 yard dash and be ranked in the middle school conference, she was ranked 5 for hurdles one year and 3 the next. She drove herself to excel but realized that there were 2 others that were better. But they may have been better in time but not in heart, Her first bid to go to state coming down off a hurdle she got tangled in the hurdle, and caught her leg with her cleat, did she lay there and bleed and cry nope she got up caught up with the pack and finished 4th out of 8. Where at the finish line she then collapsed but she finished. Lost her bid for state but gained respect in her self, I always told her things happen pick your self up and finish. We watch it in the Olympics all the time. They fall, get hurt and get back up and finish.
She has grown so much as a person and an athlete, She will continue to grow but she has to decide what is it that she wants out of life. She was going to try out to day for one of the lead roles in the play at School. She had been working on it, trying to perfect her Italian accent, Then last night she went to a catching class and I explained make sure you tell the teacher in charge that she can not be there on Thursday's and for the first time in a long time she said I will mom no excuses. Then as we were home she was still preparing for the try out which is today and with confidence and determination she turned to me and said Mom, I think I am not going to try out, I have so many other things I need to do, I want to go to the gym and retrain my muscle and gain my speed back, I want to work on my catching, I just think I wont have time to do everything right.
I think at this point in her life she knows what she wants and she is figuring out how she is going to get it on her own,
My mission has been accomplished
then she posted this to me
This child has always been into some type of sport dance, track, softball cheer, as a mom can I say I have pushed her yes, pushed her to be the best that she can be. Never can I compare her to any one else as there is always some one faster, stronger and better then her. But to be her personal best is what I can do.If that isn't enough then she has to have the drive. I can never compare her to any one else because she isn't any one else. But I can push, drive and supply her with the tools she will need to achieve her personal goal.
I think she has realized a few things in the past couple of years. She has to want to do something, It's okay to fail, but never give up. She is a lot stronger then I or she gives her self credit for. But the one thing she knows is I will guide her, tell her when she is wrong praise her when it is needed but most of all I am always there I will always have her back.
I want my children to do what ever they want, I want my children to be successful in their own right, I don't ever want them to be able to do something I may say or do. There dad and I didn't grow up in the small town we live in now and sports here are so political. But my children play they have yearned their spots because they have the drive and heart to want to be there. I have tried to instill that in them. I don't ever want it said they only play because they are so and so kid, or they know so and so. From my older child to my younger child they have always earned their playing time because they do what it takes to play.
This soon to be 17 year old is no different. At 7 she took to dance along with rec softball, Oh how she loved to dance, she picked up the steps quick and you could tell she loved it. So she danced and she dance on a competitive team, they were all good, was she the best no was she good yes, but she wanted more, so she went to a ballet school too, But she felt she didn't fit in, didn't have the body type she said, But the truth is they intimidated her. They were that good. and she was just starting out in Ballet and felt she couldn't catch up. So she stuck with what she knew she was good at just to dance. When she was 11 or 12 don't remember she wanted to try out for America's got talent, She wanted to dance, I know she knew it was a long shot but she wanted to try, So she danced and she practiced and she danced and practiced, We then drove to Chicago, Yes I drove to Chicago at 3 in the morning to get there for the call. I never really realized the long day we were in for. And the longer we waited the more she second guessed her self. Then she wanted to go home and not dance, then she would be close to tears, I let her talk, I tried to calm her told I would do what ever she wanted. At 6:00 pm we moved to the area for the actual audition, Then they called her name, She went in that room and danced her heart out, Was she good enough to get called back, No but she did something she wanted to do and she was good.
Then there was track, Who knew my little bodied middle school student, could run the hurdles and the 100 yard dash and be ranked in the middle school conference, she was ranked 5 for hurdles one year and 3 the next. She drove herself to excel but realized that there were 2 others that were better. But they may have been better in time but not in heart, Her first bid to go to state coming down off a hurdle she got tangled in the hurdle, and caught her leg with her cleat, did she lay there and bleed and cry nope she got up caught up with the pack and finished 4th out of 8. Where at the finish line she then collapsed but she finished. Lost her bid for state but gained respect in her self, I always told her things happen pick your self up and finish. We watch it in the Olympics all the time. They fall, get hurt and get back up and finish.
She has grown so much as a person and an athlete, She will continue to grow but she has to decide what is it that she wants out of life. She was going to try out to day for one of the lead roles in the play at School. She had been working on it, trying to perfect her Italian accent, Then last night she went to a catching class and I explained make sure you tell the teacher in charge that she can not be there on Thursday's and for the first time in a long time she said I will mom no excuses. Then as we were home she was still preparing for the try out which is today and with confidence and determination she turned to me and said Mom, I think I am not going to try out, I have so many other things I need to do, I want to go to the gym and retrain my muscle and gain my speed back, I want to work on my catching, I just think I wont have time to do everything right.
I think at this point in her life she knows what she wants and she is figuring out how she is going to get it on her own,
My mission has been accomplished
then she posted this to me
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Been way to long my old friend
I have blogged for years, I can't believe I have let this blog go for over a year. I find this to be a place I can let my self go. Let it out confront my inner demons. I have blogged about so much. last being my daughters ordeal. But I never finished that blog. It wasn't helping me move on. It was bringing those demons here every day. I wanted her to grow and heal and I wasn't helping her. So I stopped blogging, the downfall to stopping is I had no outlet to vent and to be honest I need that outlet. I find if I don't have an avenue to let it out, I get very how do I want to put it inward.
Take my job I have been in the business of Property Management for as long as I have been married. 30 years. With the current company for going on 17 years. So my children have always been in daycare or as they got over latch key kids, With the current company I have been able to make class parties, field trips, every thing that has been school related so I have never missed out on that. But I have never been the mother who was home when they got off the school bus, had snacks ready or dinner ready at 5. Do I think my children minded, No not at all, It help pave the way for who they have become and becoming. Back to my job, If I could quit and stay home now I would, the residents are driving me to the edge, Is it to hard to put your dog on a leash? I am sorry you have aches and pains, but we all do. You didn't like my children helping with Thanksgiving, well that is okay after 16 years you can do it your self. Oh you quit your job because your rent went up. oh you know your boyfriend can not live here. That he is banned for drug selling. Always the same stuff every day. Day in and day out. And the paperwork is never ending, when I was interviewing I would hold up a piece of paper and say see this piece it will now generate 25 or more sheets before we even move some one in. Enough of the job it's depressing.
My kids are my heartbeat, I could never be more prouder of everyone of them. The oldest is a practicing attorney, she worked so hard to get there. It has sunk in but not something I through around, I am so proud of her and she knows it. She has succeed in one of her goals in life. She has several others and I know her and she will try her hardest to get there. She knows what she wants and has set her site on those things.
To be Continued >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Take my job I have been in the business of Property Management for as long as I have been married. 30 years. With the current company for going on 17 years. So my children have always been in daycare or as they got over latch key kids, With the current company I have been able to make class parties, field trips, every thing that has been school related so I have never missed out on that. But I have never been the mother who was home when they got off the school bus, had snacks ready or dinner ready at 5. Do I think my children minded, No not at all, It help pave the way for who they have become and becoming. Back to my job, If I could quit and stay home now I would, the residents are driving me to the edge, Is it to hard to put your dog on a leash? I am sorry you have aches and pains, but we all do. You didn't like my children helping with Thanksgiving, well that is okay after 16 years you can do it your self. Oh you quit your job because your rent went up. oh you know your boyfriend can not live here. That he is banned for drug selling. Always the same stuff every day. Day in and day out. And the paperwork is never ending, when I was interviewing I would hold up a piece of paper and say see this piece it will now generate 25 or more sheets before we even move some one in. Enough of the job it's depressing.
My kids are my heartbeat, I could never be more prouder of everyone of them. The oldest is a practicing attorney, she worked so hard to get there. It has sunk in but not something I through around, I am so proud of her and she knows it. She has succeed in one of her goals in life. She has several others and I know her and she will try her hardest to get there. She knows what she wants and has set her site on those things.
To be Continued >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
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