So I did it

I am going to try and convert from analogy Cigarettes to e-cig. I have spent three nights reading and researching everything any one can need to know about these. I feel tonight I made an informed decision. Well I can hope I did. They say being cigarette free and only vaping is different in every person.

This is what I ordered I searched and searched till I found a good deal.

Now there is a thing called juices and that's the flavours.

I ordered this as this is the closest I could get to what I smoke

Then this

Bavarian creme

then this

Dreamsicle

So much to choose from

http://www.myfreedomsmokes.com/categories/E-LIQUID/Exotic-Flavors/

I think this is the last one I ordered but can not be sure

Strawberry Daiquiri

So once I get it and try it and hoping it works, and I don't gain back the 30pounds I lost I will let you know how it works

wish me luck

I think I have made two life choices

first choice is I think I am going to take a photography course at as Law student would call it Dirty Bird. The local community college. It's one night a week and it will broaden my horizons so to speak. It will also give me some me time and a chance to do something for me. As I really enjoy taking photographs so maybe I can learn more about my camera. I entered this contest and it closes soon so we will see, although from some of the entries I don't stand a chance but it was fun and free to enter. http://wildfireapp.com/website/6/contests/55670/voteable_entries?view_entries=1

I also think as long as one of my residents needs appointments for her degree in massage therapy I will go get one once a week. I so enjoyed it last Saturday. It was very relaxing to say the least and put me in a wonderful frame of mind all day. I never thought I would enjoy something like that but man oh man I was in heaven.

So lets recap Nails done every two weeks, pedicure once a month, redo hair dye every 6 weeks and a cut, now a massage can we say I am close to being spoiled. Naw never going to happen.

Okay the other life changing thing is I think I have talked myself into buying an e-Cigarette and start as they call it vaping instead of smoking. It is suppose to help with being healthier for you. Stop the smell of smoke, so neither me or the house will smell. Although it is not a cheap endeavour it is one I think maybe I can handle. although I have tried to quit before and it was not successful, and then there is weight, I do not want to put back on the 30 something pounds I have lost. Because I still want to lose another 25 pounds.

So I priced it out for the kit plus the juices and the case it will be 75.00 but then you don't have that much of an expense after you buy the kit. Just new cartridges and juices, Although you can make your own juices and save money. I am leaning towards doing all these things. The last one is a hard one but it would be better for me and everyone else so maybe it could be the right choice.

After all Life is about choices

Clothes and age

So when I decided to lose weight, I also decided to make other changes, Hair, toes and such. I read a book called how not to look old. If you are the age between 40 and above I highly recommend it. This book is full of great information.

So with weight lose comes the fact I can fit in almost everything in my closet. By fit I don't mean I can squeeze in I mean I can fit and they are not tight. Even loose in some cases. They only thing is the comments I get about how I am dressed, I mean I still am wearing the same clothes well most of them. Some one asked me If I had a personal clothes advisor because I was dressed so well. Um no I can pick out and dress myself.

I will say it is a challenge getting dress as I don't know what to wear most mornings. The weekend is hard as I have not worn a tee shirt in months. This book also advises against one of my most favourite things during the holiday. Which is sweaters for the holiday's. I think that is one rule I am have to break as I have one for every day and then some. It is what people would say is my trademark.

Then there no don't laugh the granny panties, which have been retired as I now can fit into normal underware. Weight lose is amazing I can not wait to add to this wardrobe and find the tubs with the rest of my clothes that didn't fit. It will have to be a slow process but I am to day the least enjoying the way I look. This transformation is not one that can be done in a hurry it will be taking so time. But I have decided that I didn't really like myself a few months ago and now have a better idea of the person I want to be.

Pondering

Lets ponder this photo that I borrowed from some one. Is this a message you have to wonder. Are those hands reaching down to grab us and shake some sense into us as a world. Or are they coming to crush us. Maybe there showings is that there is hope in all of us if we believe in which we see.

We trust in what we can not see, We hope sometimes when we feel there is no hope. But then then we are shown things like this and all doubt leaves. why is this? why do we trust in that we can not see? Is it because that is what we are taught? Is that because we always have the need to feel like the world is a good place.

I take this as a sign one I needed for a long time. I need to believe that there is a plan, I just don't know what that plan is and this image was shown to show me that when you least expect it there is comfort. It comes in all things, shapes, sizes , beliefs come in different images.

So ponder this if you may and come up with your own thoughts

My lilman

I talk about Dancing Diva, Business student and law Student a lot. Lilman just sits in the background, There is no reason he does, it's just that sometimes he is the one that skates by. He in him self is a character. You know the one who when very little was so funny when he was bad you just didn't know what to do. He is a child all in himself.

When he was 3 day's old I had one of those reclining high chairs, where Law student put him in so that she could warm up his bottle to feed him as I was doing something else. She turned her back and he jumped out. Three day's old and and I knew I was in trouble. You try explaining that one to the emergency room.

I have beautiful children but He was my most beautiful one. Every feature on his face was so perfect. He has a smile that lit up the room.

He has alway's referred to as my lilman, don't know why but it has always been my nickname for him. Being the 4th child he has always been the baby, and he when was little did no wrong. But there was a time we thought he couldn't talk because at 2 he didn't, when I took him to the doctor he said well quit talking for him and he will talk. Well Duh we all did. Potty training was a pain he just wouldn't do it. Had to enlist the help of Santa for that one. He is a smart child who comes up with things like no other.

He like his sisters before him did pageants. But he did it for the presents not because he liked them. We were in interview once and the judges asked him show me your toes, he said ummm no. They asks him why not because he said I have my socks and shoes on.

he won many a title but it was a very short lived pageant life for him. He was when he was little full of life to say the least. But he could tell you all about dinosaurs as his big brother before him. Monster Trucks man oh man anything about those he knew every one and what color they were.

Where my oldest son was afraid of Barney the purple Dino, my lilman was afraid of Santa, Don't ask me why but he just didn't seem to trust that man in the red suit.

This fear went on for a while, But he over came it.

As he grew into the lilman he is today he has his moments, He is my most bull headed, my most mouthy my most endearing child, He is one that is always full of surprises. He has told us he has no use for school, why need school when he is going to drive monster trucks. School up until this year has always been a fight. But being in Middle school seems to have changed him. This report card A's and B's I am very proud of him.

My lilman also excels in sports like his big brother. My lilman loves soccer, and at an early age of 5 showed who was boss on the field, all the coaches wanted him, no one knows where this talent or passion came from but he was doing things kids his age just couldn't do with the ball.

So after soccer lilman wrestles he was good at it till last year and there is a reason behind it, I will discuss later. Now he is into football, He is quick and good. The coaches like him as he isn't afraid to get in the mix he has two touchdowns to his name and two fumble recovery's and many yards with the ball.

This was last year my David (19) and Goliath he wasn't afraid of blocking. He doesn't play safety any more he runs the ball. He loves this

The grey sleeve under the pile is little man.

So we will see which sport he wants to continue with, he is equally good at all of them.

Now he does make me proud lots of times, While on vacation on a tour we had stopped to get fresh fruit snack and we had as a part of our group a older lady some ones grandma, and my lilman thought of her and made sure he brought her out fruit before any one else did.

He goes to a specialist as he has a growth problem and a thyroid problem. He has a goiter on his neck and that is why he gave up on wrestling as it hurt him when they put a hold around his neck. But soon it will be gone and he can continue with wrestling if he wants. He also is very small for an 11 year old with the bones of a 7 year old. He may have to go through growth hormone treatments to help and aid with his growth. Other wise he may be only 5"4 as an adult.

Well you have met my lilman only thing I can say is you have got to love him as he is one of a kind.

When I was younger

When I was younger I had my share of "boyfriends" I guess I was normal and it started at 13-14 when I first noticed they were not just for beating in sports. Oh I had lots of boys that were friends but none that seemed to interested in me other then telling me their girlfriend problems.

The first time I was "in love " it was Keith he has friendly, sweet and oh so nice to me. Being in the choir we saw a lot of each other, and the choir had bake sales and other fund raiser things and we were always together. Then it happened he asked me out to a football game, I was in seventh heaven. We held hands he bought me a drink he treated me like a lady and it was a perfect night. Then it happened he kissed me and I was in "Love". That weekend I was walking on a cloud it was great. Till Monday morning and school, then he treated me like I didn't exists. My heart was broken. The rest of my freshman year I stayed way from boy's and relationships, Because my heart still belonged to Keith.

In the beginning of my Sophomore year the school and myself experienced a loss Kieth who I still felt I loved but was dating some one else was murdered. He was shot by a man having a fight with his father who was mistaken to be a landlord and Kieth step in to help his father. It hurt because after all he was my first love.

The summer of my sophomore year I hung out with a bunch of kids at the park. We played basketball, softball and swam. It was a great summer, then I met Eddie. Eddie was a good looking guy and had just come to spend the summer with his dad, He tried so hard to get my attention and it worked. Eddie and I spent every moment we could together with our friends as we both knew when summer was over he was going back home. Again my heart told me I was in love. But Eddie also told me he loved me and that feeling was great. My mom said it would never work for there was one problem I was going to be a Jr and he a freshman. But I said it's okay it's only for the summer. My mom liked Eddie and that was a good thing.

The week before school started Eddie left to go back to his mom. I was lonely and we talked on the phone when every we could. With school about to start the phone calls stopped. I couldn't figure that out but accepted the fact that it was over. Monday when I arrived at school my friends were a little different but okay it happens they all still had their boyfriends and I was the third wheel. At lunch I got the surprise of my life, Eddie was back he had talked his mom and dad into getting back together and his mom moving to his dad's.

But as all good love stories or the fact Eddie was acting his age it was obvious this relationship wasn't going to work. Damn my mom for being right. So again I was single. But we still tried to be friends. School that year went fast and I was now in the summer before my Jr. Year. On a family vacation to Disney. We were in a motel when tragedy struck. A group of kids on a class trip from New York were there for their senior trip and one of them drowned in pool. It was a very sad day. But in that Tragedy I met him Rusty, Or William. I called him Rusty, He was a Sr. and so nice as was all his friends, He came from a small town in New York were there were only 25 Sr in the whole school. What I didn't know was it was he who had fallen in love with me.

Well it was obvious that my parents liked him and consider him not be a threat. So when he had asked if I could come from Florida for his graduation they were all for it. So on a plane I went not knowing what to expect. It was a whirl wind of a relationship but I was in Florida and he in New York, Having a boyfriend so far away was taxing. I did see him twice before I realized that this was not for me. I tried to break up with him the middle of my senior year, specially when he told me he had been seeing some one while he was away at school, But he loved me and wanted us to work ,he would change colleges and everything.; I didn't want that heck I was 17 so I quit taking his calls and stopped writing. But some how my mom had other ideas and next thing I knew he was coming for my graduation.

That was an eye opener. I could not wait for him to leave and knew that he was not the one for me. There were two more before I found the right person for me. My soul mate the person who would win my heart like no other.

The reason behind this story is. I sit here and watch my Diva moping and feeling very sad. Because history repeats it's self, not in the complete form. But family vacation she meets a boy, likes the boy, the boy likes her. They decide they like each other and they are an item. For a little over three weeks there are text messages, web cam conversations, her saving her money every penny to go see him.

Then come the break up text and he doesn't want to continue this relationship. And then with in five minutes it's posted that he found some one else. She hurts, she is sad, she wont talk to me. I am lost. I can't comfort a broken heart, and this will be one of many in her young life.

I tried to tell her long distance doesn't work, It would be hard but who listens to their mother when your heart speaks a different tune.

Do you really know people

In the last few day's I have found out some interesting things about people I have come in contact over the years. Things you wouldn't have thought of these people. I am a very trusting person who never would have thought I needed to run criminal back grounds on people who I do business with.

Do you really know who these people are? I was surprised to find out about a photographer I had used over the years. I would have never guessed. I would never have used him had I known. It makes me feel quite creepy to realize this.

Then there are the people who get in relationships and change who they are, how they act and think they are all that and a bag of chips. Then you have to wait for their world to come crashing down. It's said I know.

Then their are the friends you have had for years, and then they disappear never to be heard from again. You wonder for a time what did I do? You replay over and over in your mind and can not come up with a single things.

I have learned that people are really never who you think they are. You wonder am I who I am or is this a stage and I am playing a role?

How do they do that

As I sit here and look around, My house needs a deep cleaning. You know the cleaning I am talking about where you clean out drawers, closets and de junk your house. Then you have a house you can show case in a magazine.

Everything in your house is then picture perfect, like no one lives there. Beds made, flowers on the table and you can walk around with a white glove. Not in my house. some days I am lucky of I can see the table. Now don't get me wrong I used to have a very nice clean house, never ashamed of it. welcomed people to come over any time. Now I dread should any one come to the door.

It's not that I am lazy, or my house is a health hazard it's just not clean. I am always on the go and who wants to spend the one day a week we do nothing cleaning, besides I spend that day cooking for the week.

I get this way when Holiday's approach as I can't see decorating a cluttered, messy house. My kids are no help. They are blind. They can't see two feet in front of them. Even my ones who only live here briefly, when they leave they always leave garbage and things they don't want. Expected me to take care of it. No one understands that if we all work together to deep clean it and then work together to keep it that way they wouldn't have a mother who is always complaining and tired.

Clothes go in the dresser and closet hung up. Not in a basket till it's empty and on the bottom of the closet. You take something out you can put it back. You drop something pick it up. It isn't a hard concept. Or is it.

So tell me how do people do it. Work four kids not all live here any more but did. lots of activities with these kids, Have that model home. If you find out give me their secret and I can apply it to my house and then I can be happy and relax.

Maybe you can do better

With my children when they would say how mean I was I would say maybe you need to go find a new mommy who isn't mean. We never had that conversation a lot but I did with every one of my children.

Same as if you unhappy pack your bags and move but you cant take this and that and leave this and that. Nothing to bad and normally that would stop what ever issue they had at the moment.

I hate you, I don't love you that too was big. So I would say thats too bad because I love you.

All in all it worked and they all have grown up or growing up very grounded. Didn't loose a single kid, they all seemed happy and every one knows how spoiled they are.

But in talking with my Law student yesterday some how those words came back to bite me. It had happen after 23 years she has gone and done it. Found a new mom. What you say is that possible ? yes it is. A new mom and a new family and she isn't even getting married yet.

At least I am happy for her and I know that my friend is taking care of her and treats her like part of the family. I am not upset with this as I think it's great that my child has such acceptance and feels apart of the family.

Just word of warning when tell your kids to go do something be prepared for some day that they do it,

Compromise is a wonderful thing

We make compromises our whole life, But we depend on an other person for the compromise to work. I'll do this if you do that, I get this if you get that, I bring this if you get that and so on. Every one every where has to compromise some time in their life, but you need some one to say I like that compromise.

Dancing Diva has been in a pickle trying to decide what she wanted to do. She has been dancing since she has been 7 at the same studio. She has gone from dancing just to dance to competing on a team. She loves her studio and would never hear of going some where else. She has been part of the team since age 8. She has worked her way through duos, trio's and solo's. This is where I thought it would be a one year thing and she would be done, I couldn't have been more wrong

Studio life has not always been easy, girls clash, gossip and sometimes down right mean girls, but you have that every where and it has they learn to cope is how they will endure.

I must admit dancing diva has a lot on her plate, she always has, She traded pageants for dance and has never regretted that choice she made, I am a firm believe that my children should decide what they want to do. She has always loved the stage in any venue so this was an easy compromise.

But it has not always been an easy road, Dancing Diva has also played softball since the age of 5 so to say she has two loves is an understatement. To say she is better at one then the other just can not be done. She is equally as good in both. So we compromised and just let her dance did not even try to get her on a traveling team because we new something would suffer at that young age. So we compromised and put softball on the slow track,.

She would stay and play rec ball in order to stay focused on dance. But we knew that was a talent being waisted. But it was what she decided to do. It was easy sailing for a couple of years, Till we hit the middle school age and grade 6. Then it became harder for her to resit things. She joined the school dance team, so we had regular dance, middle school dance. Then she found her third passion more compromising and these were not easy to figure out. Diva found hurdles in track, okay we said run track that is something you said you wanted to do. I thought she wouldn't like it and maybe she wouldn't have what it took to do this. I couldn't have been more wrong again this child excelled in a different sport.

When all was said and done this child was ranked 5th in her school conference. And this is where the word compromise comes in a big way. Since she was ranked high she needed to run in the district sectional race which determines who goes to state. But slight problem the weekend is so booked, Law student was graduating from Purdue on that Friday, Sectionals was on Saturday along with mandatory rehearsal for the dance recital, then Business student was graduating high school on that Sunday the day of the recital.

So I am trying to think of all kinds of compromises for her to do, I had informed the dance studio months in advance that this was going to happen, and had wanted to figure out how to do it all. I had asked if diva could dance in the second half of the program so after business students graduation we would race her over to the venue. Track we had asked and were granted permission for her to not ride the bus and we would deliver her to that venue after driving all night back from Indiana and law students graduation. This was granted so one down and Diva happy.

The dance studio denied that compromise and for the first time since she started she was not in the recital. She was devastated, and crushed. So it was a busy weekend but we succeeded in doing and making everything with time to spare, but no dance.

Fast forward to 7th grade. Same predicament just no graduations, I again go to the studio to ask for compromise as this year she is ranked 3rd in the conference. I go to the Studio owner and explain every thing again and how she will miss mandatory dress rehearsal but will be at the recital. Well I can tell you that went over like a lead balloon. But again it was the only way we had.

So being on our vacation she had time to access her goals and what she wanted to do. Because over the last year she added ASA softball to her schedule. She had decided that maybe this was too much for her, she would have to dance 3 hours 2x a night, then practice her solo, then track and she wants extra training to make State this year and softball. Thats a lot when you are 13 and plus stay on the honor roll. As much as it killed and pained her she was willing to drop dance for a year. But I knew deep down it would break her heart and she would regret that choice.

So I approached the studio with a huge compromise, Only Take ballet and jazz, drop regular company, pick up hip hop company, and her solo, that would cut her requirements down and she would still dance. I wouldn't buy costumes for recital and there for not conflict with conference this year for no recital and she wouldn't be missed because she wouldn't be in those dances.

So we will see if this helps and relieves some of her stress and tension. So she can still dance, play softball, and run track., I just know that next year as she becomes a freshman this will all change and she will be harder to find compromises for.

Oh yeah she starts with a catching coach this week.

Oh when do I get a compromise

It's Monday

Monday mornings can be a hassle with the dna my children have as they will not move out of their beds. They really can make me angry. getting up at 6:30 am just doesn't give them enough time as the bus comes at 7:07. The only good thing thing is I get to go to work an hour early then I can leave early really helps on dance nights. But Monday's don't work like that.

My back feels a little bit better this morning, but we will see what the day brings. It didn't help that no one here wants to help me so I am left to do everything. I've stalled on this diet thing bet everyone thought once the cruise was over so was the diet, Nope still need to lose 20 more pounds. I still also need to lose the 5 pounds I gained on the cruise. I will have to admit I have not been total diet this past week but I plan to get back on track.

Winter is coming and with winter comes the holiday's and I get to treat every one here to my Christmas traditions. They are a lot, but we enjoy them, the transformation on my house is surprising.

I really hope my kids decide this year that we can do0 Santa light. I say that but it has never happened. They are all older now but they are all so spoiled. So this will be a discussion we will have with them, as start my preparations. This has always been my favorite time of the year.

Baking, cooking, decorating and candy making. So that will be my next long blog in the xcoming months as we prepare for the holiday's.

Have a great day

So have you all missed me.

It has been so hectic coming back from vacation, Lilman has football practice, Dance started or has it for dancing Diva she is in a pickle as she is trying to figure out what it is she wants to do. She loves to dance and it has been her passion, But last year was very hard on her emotionally. There was a teacher that used her for a whipping board and took out their frustrations on her. She is in 8th grade now and looking towards her future and wants to keep her grades up so that she is on the honor roll. The studio changed it's hours and they are much longer now and she is afraid her grades are going to suffer. Well I think I may have come up with a compromise but the studio owner is not one to compromise so we will see.

Dancing diva also plays softball and is on a new ASA team this year, and this weekend she had her very first tournament. As a whole the team works well, They didn't win any of the 4 games but they didn't get skunked either. It is a young first year out team and they did well in these games they have no where to o but up with a lot of practice over the winter. Diva will start with a catching coach on Thursday so that should be good, we will then see if she wants to do anything else at one time she wanted to pitch but now not so sure. I may have him work with her on her batting but baby steps

Last I talked with Law Student she was doing okay, still staying with my friend and my friend doesn't want to let her go. I am always happy when people love my children, makes me think if I didn't do anything at least I raised them right. Business student seems to be doing well, this weekend was fall family weekend but we couldn't go because of Diva and he took it very well.

The weather here has been terrible 2 days of rain and ever try to play and watch softball in the rain not a good thing. But we survived and it was fun to see her doing what she loves.

On Thursday I hurt my back at work, I've not told them yet and hoped that it would feel better, But it doesn't it hurts like hell and it's going on four full day's. So I guess I better buck it up and write an incident report in case I need to go to the doctor. My briefcase on wheels is way to heavy I am going to try and lighten the load.

Well good morning all

I know my daily has been lacking but as a recall a saying I'm Back. We the last few weeks since back from vacation have been hectic.

Playing catch up on work has been fun, My boss was here all this week as we had those two HUD reviews that have gone very well. Why I worry I have no clue.

And best of all today is Friday, Tomorrow is Dancing Diva's first ASA softball Tournament. She is excited, but lilman has a football game I will miss. I have photographed him at two games and he has run in for touchdowns so that is always great. He may be little but boy is he tough.

Dancing Diva is in a quandary she is not sure she wants to dance this year, and to be honest there are some issues there that I don't think will get resolved. But I need to discuss this with the Studio owner and Diva needs to make up her mind.

Law Student is doing well with my friend and seems to be adjusting great at the new law school.

Business student is doing good, as he settled in to his routine.

Well this one will be short and sweet just need to get back in the groove.

Well that is it

All the pictures I will post as I've said I took over 3000 and there is no way to post them all.

Now my thoughts on the cruise as a newbie first timer.

I know I had reservations about cruising, I didn't know if I would like it. The unknown really scared me.

The Freedom is a beautiful ship, I adored every minute on her. I enjoyed the special treatment I received even if I knew every one else was getting the same treatment.

After we got over the first day, stress, and realized there is a lot to do and you just can't do everything. There were parts of the ship that we didn't find till the last day.

Balconies are for us the only way to go, I enjoyed that so very much, I can not tell you how much.

Hubby had no issues eating in the MDR and not wearing T-shirts. I only had to eat at the buffet one night and that was by choice. I truly didn't care for the buffet. I found the other guests rude, and the food cold.

Lunch was okay there, and I loved the Mongolian grill, Hubby didn't care for the fish and chips. But you can't please everyone. Room service service was great. My cabin steward was awesome. The steak house was out of this world.

The spa services were over priced, and the hair salon was not a good experience.

I so enjoyed watching my children experience new things, Our ports were great ports. The tours we chose were perfect for us. Although JJ needs to fine tune his and at least give his customers what they paid for. But never felt that we would not make it back to the ship on time. I can not say enough good things about Alex and my friend Mario. That is a AAA tour company.

So bottom line, I may have over packed non clothes items we didn't need because I listened to boards, I didn't know what I would expect. It exceed anything I expected and I loved it.

Oh and besides the normal tips per day, I tipped our room steward extra and gave her a bottle of wine as an extra. Her words I am going to party tonight. LOLOLOL

Sooo look out May, June of 2012 because we will be cruising again, Law student Graduates. This time the whole family and I will be in bliss again. Oh did I say my daughter you know diva she wants hubby and I to renew our vows.

Stay tune for the normal scheduled blog to resume tomorrow

Debarkment day

When I awoke on this very sad day, we were already in port. this is what I saw outside from my balcony, this very sad morning

my roll call morning coffee friends

And off the boat and through customs, I think this is how we all felt as we waited for my sister

Our last night in the MDR

Asst waiter

head waiter

our last sun set